Day 72: The Breaking Things

I'm so terribly sorry, I forgot to mention how distraught I was yesterday. Stumps the Caterpillar was supposed to come visit as we had the wake yesterday in the evening. It was wonderful. Lisa the Lizard Fairy (Her head at least) and the Shadow In The Corner were both there. Even Kitty untangled herself from the linen closet to say her goodbyes. Stumps is just a meanie.

The Computer Is Bald.

Day 70: Til Death Do Us Part

I've had so many, you would not dare count. Each and every one was happy and all was sunshine and rainbows. That was until they were gone and I was in tears once more. So after each one, I tried again and again. My little heart wasn't going to give in that easily. But I should have known. The jealousy would bubble and boil to an unsurpassed region. TubTub, was out for the kill. My goldfishy was so cute and monstrous; he had a white belly and boggley eyes. A boggley eyed gold fish - I never cared for their real name. So as it would happen, I thought all was well and disgustingly good. But had I have known the circumstances, we may have gone to a damned dwarf for help (never speak to a midget about your problems, they take your money and that’s all). So I woke up as usual. Yes and I looked at TubTub and saw him asleep on the bottom of the tank. Oh he was a cheeky little fishy. I put some food in the top, but nothing happened. He did not move or even flinch. My tub's was a fatty, and gobbled all the food within instances, but he just sat there. "What’s wrong with you?" I bellowed against the glass and then stuck my fingers in to churn up the water. That little bastard was dead. I was in shock. Do they not float wrong way down when their life has been separated from their slimy body’s? He was fatter than ever and I should have guessed the truth. He was so wrapped with guilt for murdering all his buddy's that he has committed suicide via gobbling up the pebbles in the tank. His belly was so full of rocks; he sank to the bottom and looked asleep. I was in a terrible mess. Dead fish slim was on my fingers and I could find nothing to wipe it off with! But luckily, I survived the traumatic drama of it all. I first tried to feed it to the cat, but no, what a fussy little thing, not wanting the dead carcass of my pet fishy. So I found a small box, threw the darn thing inside and taped the box "water-tight" closed. No one will disturb my TubTub's coffin down at the tip, no way.

Screaming Children Burn The Plane.

Day 69: Off With Your Head

I feel so terribly aweful because it happened. But if you think about it, how dare she enter my sacred home like a holy under-minion(Or should I say, horny devil worshipper). Yes, it was like no other way in or out, I was stuck in the middle of no where, right in my living room. How could she have gotten inside? The Shadow In The Corner was shrieking like the deaf midget couple down the street and her arms were casting all over the walls. There it fluttered inside, not 5 feet from me. It was so happy like it needed to poop some corn. Lisa The Lizard Fairy had managed to dig through the hardened cheese I was forced to cover all over every window to prevent such an occurence. But she was more determined than I could not have imagined. But in a matter of 2.3 seconds I was just standing and a wooshing thing flamed past my head; aimed right for Lisa. The Shadow In The Corner had thrown a hot coffee mug full of berry juices towards the unwelcome intruder. Sadley, we must confirm that, yes, Lisa is alive and she is doing just fine. However, there is some good news. She no longer possess a body and I have strung her up to protect my secret stash of marbles in the box under my bed in the first room to your right as you walk in. No one can take my marbles away from me!

Two Scones Are In The Tea.

Day 68: The Nightmare After

Well yesterday was great and fantastic. I was allowed to play board games and I never won. But still it was the fun most times I've had the pleasure of experiencing. But then it came out. All over the place and no one could touch a thing. It was so dirty; I could not believe I could do such a thing and ruin the entire moment. Yes, I sneezed. Like a spider that lunges from the darkened shadows in the corner to bite your face, I did a nose fart. How horrible. I cried for a few hours and still now, feel the trauma as everyone’s face was gawking, jaw-dropped like in completely terrestrial disbelief. How could such an unsaintly thing become so devil worthy? But never to worry your mind, I am now ok and all is good and well as it should be. It was only monopoly millennium edition that was completely filthified by my retched nose emissions. Gradiolies someone calls them. But I assure you I shoot no gradiolies. It was snot 100%... well and a little saliva that exited my facial orifice in that baby 'choo' action you most inevitably are forced to accomplish.

Wicked Flowers And Tortured Mungbeans.

Day 67: Chistmas Day

Holy trollups and a freakin' toad! His bloatatiousness pombled down the drain pipe, fluffing up his beard; scaring the would be watching neighbours, if they ever could dare such a thing and he knocked on my door, the back door silly. He claimed to have "Sandy Claws" but I saw mittens only, no claws at all and you should know by now that I will not let you inside unless I get inspect the sugar infested recesses of your fingernails; with my tongue. He refused and so did I and we stood there in a frozen stance... Eventually 30 seconds did pass and I figured, 'If he wants in so damn bad, why the hell not?' So I opened the sliding door and not 20 minutes later, that fat, hideously jolly man had rolled his carcass to my fridge (It's 10 whole meter's, I mean, you can only dream of rolling that fast without pain!) and he dove in for my milk and cookies! A THIEF, I say, and I smacked him on the head with a frypan!
So yes, I am truly sorry, but I did have to enter your homes last night due to Santa's so called "Coma." But you should be happy I saved all those cookies from his jaws of crumbling death and I did place them inside my very own mouth for safe keeping.

Popping Noses Is Not Fun.

Do Not Deny The Gir!

Attention all. I know you are freaked as I have made more than one post so many times this week, but I can not deny the almighty Gir! What he says you do and what you do is what he says! He is the doing law, so don't do that, stop it right now! Gir didn't instruct you yet... filthy nose picker'er! Bask in the glory that is Gir (and all things Invader Zim).

Day 66: If It Speaks, Smack It!

I saw a skull with bunny ears. So I grabbed a stick and smacked it. Real hard right between the eyes, er, well sorta on the forehead I guess. Anyway, I was gearing up my swing for another unsaintly crack at it when it burst out crying "WWhy did you do that? OOOooOOoOOooooOOooOOOoooOo!" That last bit was pain, scary I know. So I said "Well, your a skull with bunny ears,"
"And what's that got to do with it, hu??" Some angriness in it's tone.
"Well it’s just what you’re supposed to do. If you see a skull with bunny ears, you pick up a stick and smack it." I replied so knowingly and up myself like.
"You’re the mean beaver!" It did scream.

So I golf-balled it over the neighbouring fence. No one calls me a beaver, no, I am a marshmallow! And why should I give some unholy beast the Christmas Cheer when it speaks to me in that tone?

A Purpleback Has Silvery Wings.

Day 65: Death Would Be Easy

I did have to go pee first, so sorry to keep you waiting. Last night I was in a comatosed traumatic state! I was simply there and then I noticed it was too! How dare such a thing feel free to dance on the walls? But that is when I realised, the bug thingy works. You know, one of those ultrasonic thingy's that plug right in to the electricity bill. God, I was disgusted and appalled at such an atrocious thing. Sure I get the many hordes, but never that many "White Tails." I speak no funny lies or misgivings, no, they can make your flesh rot or eat right away! It's absurdly true! I was frightened for my life because that is torture and we all know that the dieing is the easy part, it's what comes before, that makes it difficult....Yes, the wishing for a donut with extra icing and sprinkles!

Fairy Floss Will Make You Sweet.

Just For You

Because your loyal :) I told you I had Christmas pumpkins and poking out hair.

Day 64: The Scornful Look

I had to go shopping for some extra gifts today and do you know I had to travel the world over for two damned items. I believe there are gremlins or trolls trying to make it difficult, but that wasn't the drama. Nope, I know you thought it was all mystical like normal times, but today it wasn't the gnomes. If fact it was a filthy, balding, not to mention an old human manRat. Well that beast was not in the Xmas spirit I so loathfully wish never to bath too long in. Yes, it happened like so. I was looking at some things because a particular somebody had decided to disappear - MUM! - and I was patiently waiting while I awaited her damned hellish return. But then, this so called...man filth and his wife came to the same section. Well I looked at'em for why should I be pushed out by freakier people than I? That's what I thought, No Way! So I stood my ground all ready for a battle, but the lame man gave up and ran all pansy like in the other direction. Nope, I haven't reached the good part yet, so shut the hell up and let me finish! Gosh, I can never get a word in all cornerwise. Anyways, it just so happened that my inhuman hearing could penetrate the distance between the next isle, not to mention my height enabled me to tower over the stall and gawk ferociously at their little spat. The man was all like "I can't go down there.." and the woman said "What's wrong with you? Just get down there and pick out some deodorant!" Of course they knew not of my gawk-atiousness and leaf dropping as I submerged my essence within the blocking shelf units. I couldn't hear the man, he did a whisper and it wasn't a nice smelly one at all. She [the wife] slapped the man hard on the face and screamed "Get over it, he's not that weird looking!" And this is where I laughed because he got slapped so hard and he was in pain. Stupid man worrying about me, it's the prosimians you must fear. But she heard me and her head snapped to the sideways view and scornfully looked at me like I was intruding like an interrupting intruder. I felt her evil gaze fly right past my left ear, so I ran screaming through the store, wailing and smacking the store people who wished to steal my skin.

Back Flipping Turtles, Rule The Sky.

Day 63: Xmas Made Easy

When sending cards to people and you really just don't give a flomping stuff if they're gonna know you or not, yes well I have the very solution for you! Simply write "To You" at the top and traverse down to the bottom to end it with, "From Me"

Now If they can't recognise your personal hand writing from that, well damn it, they are just not worth a card next year ok. I, on the other hand, am just plain lazy and refuse to write a single thing in to a filthy card of happy doominess because my cards are above the lowness of hand, no, all writings.

Don't Delay The Brittle Skunk.

I Can't Hold It Back

No, I can't hold it back! I did not see Big Bird today; he was gone before my frightfulness could overcome me. So as I strolled out all high and mighty like - that is, running with my arms flailing, I saw something from the very corner edge of my eye. It was thy neighbour, who had flown out of their coop to land in my eye juices. I turned my head and struggled to grip the air. Down, down, down with a thunderous thud I smacked into the grass. My wailing caused a commotion that no one could have expected... My neighbours swiftly retreating to leave me alone in the wilderness. And the street watched, eyeballs peeled like potato's, so wickedly eerie from their curtained windows.

Close your Toes.

Day 61: To Kill Time

Ok, I could bore you with another Postal dilemma I have just experienced. But you don't have all the time in the world; I think maybe I see another line developing! But any how, I thought, instead, I will just tell you all to visit my friend’s pages i.e: My Links! Just do it, and sign the petition and love Jane, Ellen and AnoTHeR dIStUrbeD kId and the awesome Death Clock. Apparently I will be torturing your eyes for many, many years beyond 2060! You shan’t escape hehehehe. Well, that is if, of course, I don't get a jacket and padded lining all for my very self:)

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Spread the word of Midget Soup also. You know you want to :P

The Squeaky Fly is Laughing.

Day 60: Sticks And Stones

I was forced, so regrettably, out into the open wide and might I say, filthy world today! We, The Shadow In The Corner and I, wanted so very much to watch "Superstar!" starring Molly Shannon and or "Bubbleboy" both movies are the awesomestness, I do believe. Well as I should unfold onto the dirty pavement from The Shadow's car, it lunged with so much force and might, I was struck down and could not think before it had happened and was all over. I know, you are scared. But fear not, I was not about to be evangelized to the Stick order, no way! A stick had lunged forth into the trousers that were supposed to cover and protect.... But its teeth sank deep into my ankle (the right one) and tried so desperately to covert me into Stick-ism. I fought back and grabbed a branch to sweep it away, when I heard it screaming for all its worth... It was Lisa, The Lizard Fairy to the rescue; or more trouble. I could not believe, here, in plain filthy, burning sunshine daylight!?! She flung her body forward onto the stick and pulled it off my leg and I was free! But as I stood up, she began to bounce, yes, on the stick. "Munch on it!" she cried, but as if The Shadow in the Corner or I wanted to eat the stick. Nope, instead we left for the video store in hopeful desire that she and the stick would be gone before our return (and they were).

What A Freckle I Could Be.

Day 59: Oops I Forgot Again.

Well, if you must know. It all happened when I ventured into the land of cotton. Up, up over the mangled linen mountains and across the polyester plains. I found something special. I followed it like a light, shining through a sheet. It sparkled! I had to climb and dig my way through it all, but something was different. The land of cotton no longer had that same oldness it would, should normally effervesce from between the dangerously tight threads. She had devoured the usual over powered stench associated with pre-rotting linen. And then I found her. I had reached the top of the mound and up above the world so high, like a demon in the sky... She was buffet-eting the scent like there was no tomorrow’s yesterday. Hogging down the elderly aroma, shovelling it deep onto her face like nothing ever seen by you, only me because I saw it! She was dangling from a free coat hanger; it seems she became entangled in it somehow... But who cares?? She's keeping my sheets smelling nice and how many of you proselytes can do that, hmmm?

How Do The Sunflowers' Know?

Day 58: To Boil Or Fry?

I have found some live ones. Yes, you can not believe! I have placed a picture of those I, regrettably, had to squish. But there was no other way. They were trying to escape and I could have none of that. No, I must find a cage or something tin like and shove them in the fridge to help them keep. They are my midgets in the rice!

Flopping Ears Pierce The Bin.

Day 57: Working With Stumps

Stumps came calling by and was in a real fret over the name someone called her, back down the road this morning. Oh yes, it was terribly gruesome for they did not realise, she was born without extra long appendages like every day you or me. Nope and they said she was a rolly polly majolly (said all the same way not happy Santa jolly). Do you know what I said? I said,
"I say, Stumps,
You are a mouse without a tail,
a dog without a bone...
You are the Catapiller."

And I sent her off home.

Trampolines Make Puppets Sing.

Day 56: Going Into The Closet

It was, but not, a mere 3 minutes and 2 seconds ago, my unloyal minions. Yes, I dare to speak the horrid truth of that thing that appeared before me all glowy and full of some hideously divine light. It was an Angel; and so strangely I knew so oddly without her speech, her name was Kitty. She deemed it fit for herself and so it is to be - so there! And she floated around my lounge room armchair, wafting in and out with the breeze. Some shimmery, shiny light flickered out from beneath her harmonious aura, piercing my cornea's, filling my retina's with blinding pain full of retched emotional capabilities I so willingly, lovingly, peacefully swept away. Then it happened. She screeched so saintly, it burst my nostrils; squawking about things so heavenly divine like vegetables to the slaughter. She's wafted into the linen closet right now... Thankfully I can close the door.



Floating Forests Dip With Ease.

Day 55: Time For A Shower

Your cowardice is indeed beyond that of the walking wizard. He will spit on you and you will not be honoured because he spat his filthy, germ infested spit all over you, making you scream like a freakish girlie from bewitched dimensions, running and screaming and frantically beating the saliva away... Well that’s what I did anyway.

I Am Not A Pillow Or A Penguin.

Day 54: Yellow Means Banana & Lemon, Oh My!

I fear I have made a grave mistake. I might die, or you might or just maybe we will all not die and be happy...Ok that’s enough, I draw the straw there! But still, I bought banana flavoured jelly crystalline boxes, not lemon. How was I to know both were shades of celestial yellows?? She likes lemon she did say. Oh I hope The Shadow In The Corner won't experience too much wholesome, undivine dismay when I serve it up for dinner today.

Lollies For Me, Not You Midget!

Day 53: Beyond the Mysty Treasure

I found it there, hidden behind the whip like lashes. A forest of long, thin black things, converging towards a deep, empty centre. In the hollow is where I found it. All alone with no one to play. All alone too scared to cry. All alone; at last it's mine! It was my belly button lint you see, so, to be nice, I stashed it away in the jar in the corner where I keep all of its grotesque family. Oh The Shadow In The Corner was so please! She could have helped and beared it but still she let out a whispering scream of giggles.

Squiglets Will Not Roll For Pie.

Day 52: Not My Toes

Verinetti the Earwig. She ran all loo-da-loop in circling circles all over the bathroom floor. I freaked, for I thought my toes would be pinched and snipped to look perfectly clean and neat tidiness. But no. To my horror, not yours, she started yelping out a forced cry for curry! "Curry, curry, curry" she bellowed, "I want to munch your curry!" How unsaintly to ask such nothings like that, my curry is in the fridge...not by the toilet bowl. "I say," this is what I said, "Your mother would be right upside down, balling her disgusting eyes [or whatever] out, when she see's you've escaped!" So I picked her up with tweezers and threw her down the drain.

"Taste The Rainbow, Bitch." - Scoot

Superficial Housemate Turns: See Through

It was a rushing scourge of gushing outness. It leaked all over the place. I know you to be, ever so much now, the under-proud brother/sister minions of those since to come forth. But the milk stained the floor! You don't understand, see, it was that Shadow In The Corner! She scared me silly when she wobbled her anorexic frame....

(Shhhh! I did sneak a peek at her belly button *hehehe* and it showed no sign of devil minionism - t'was a nice button indeed :)

Scary Flops Knead The Breeze.

The Paper Round

EXTRA, EXTRA! Read al about it!

Meerkats Set To Flap On Beers!

EXTRA, EXT... Um, yes that'll be 25c, here you go.


Sweat Pores As Urinated Pee.

There's A Hole In My Pocket

Not to mention the disgusting experience I endured when RatGirl knocked on my door this morning, but I've only just realised I'm running low on cash. Yep, I'm gonna have to advertise I think. How much should I ask? I'm flexible and extremely bendy, I love to play Twister! So I'm going to, today, and tomorrow and one will answer and I will have to share my filthy domain with some unholy beastless monstrosity. Are you game?

Puppy Dogs, Penguins And Sausage Rolls.

Sticky Messages

Then I saw it, as see through as any hideous day. That filthy creature had left me a sign, signalling her unholy presence. There it was on the bathroom window, I could not believe it. Written in her honey pot juices, marked a message of epic damnation!

I will not cease,
I won't give in,
So if you want peace,
Open up and let me in....
For my finger tingles for you
My love...

I starred open mouthed, appalled as it dribbled from my once perfectly clean window. It was time for drastic measures.... but what will that be?

Shadows Lay Behind The Murder.

I Saw It There (You'll See)

I was walking past the front door at 1pm this afternoon. Minding my own bee's poop I thought I could stand the sight of daylight; just for a second. But to my amusement, RatGirl was there. It freaked the neighbours and the olives spat their pips! You know not of the filth until it stands nearby and flings one droll’ep of gout on to you... You will regret the day you didn't run so hard and fast until your legs snapped off, not giving up and dragging your carcass; digging your retched fingertips into the cold hard earth until all that was left were stumps, or you were forcebly stuffed in a corner by a teddy you once loved.... Then you will know never to have RatGirl in your sight again.

Why Lie To The Squirrel?

Frivolous Confrontations Of Doom

How far shall I take it? It can't be too long or all will fail, but my jelly jots say otherwise. I will expose RatGirl if it amputates my nose even! I think it not, but those in the nose are all delving in mucous; too true, too true.

For All The Missing Socks.

T'wasn't A Night Before Anything

Well, just a few drawstring moments ago, I was eaten! Attacked to be eaten or something just as worthy. I fear I have the sweet aroma of death and discusting decay or plague like looks for why else would it happen? I say, all's I was doing was trying to sleep, but how horrible it is to sleep all uncomfy like on a bed of cat hair. So out I stretched, like a wormy and pop! It had vacated the saftey zone; exposed from beneath the covers. Yet somehow, I did not realise.

So suddenly it happened and I became chow chow for the beast. Sharp lines of awesome and jerkingly painful pains sent a half decent lot of upward fireworks. Oh my poor toe! It became food for my little kitty turned feral mascot from hell. A toe to keep for poking him in his sleep, those are the rules he says.

It Was Not Me, It Was The Finger.

A Morning Of Wet Sloppyness

I was bombarded with affection this morning as I awoke from my death position. I said "Who are you?" But they could not speak. However, I knew anyway. It was all love and pats and tails wagging then all "Throw the damn ball!!!" Yes my dog has a ball fetish and all day and evenings long I must throw that retched thing. But will the ball follow? Of course not! I have to fetch the dog myself, the lazy thing.

Laughing As A Frankfurt.

Day 44: I've Recouperated Enough To Expose One

There was a disgustingly evil red eyed man of deviously devious deviousness that stank of the most gross stench of lathered, soap clean sterility that forced my own germs to run screaming as the filthy stench murdered them while they tried to escape to anywhere or find refuge within or behind skin flaps and folds that protruded from my hideously deformed skin covered in pretty "Mother-Of-Pearl" like scales that glitter in the harsh sunshine of shrivelling death and gloomy doom which also goes for all the hideous people that were birthed wearing skin that was so pale they were mistaken for a corpse or of being ill when they were nothing more than sun hating freaks with snowman coloured skin.

Yes, You Can Feel The 1/3 Doominess...OF DISCUSTING DOOM!