It Was Here Again

I saw it, fluttering outside. So I waited till it came to my window, I knew it could come. I waited ready and poised. Clutching a can of fly spray. Fast knockdown it was. As she approached, I squealed and sprayed her like a crazy elf at Christmas time. She screamed "My eyes my eyes... They tingle for yooooooouuu" and off into the moonlight she did retreat. That Lisa the Lizard Fairy is one persistent moth. Leave the window alone, I'm sick on cleaning it already!

The 28th Day

Too have a pet Squiggle, that is what I wish for this Christmas. They live in your tummy so you can take them with you whenever, wherever you go. Oh, they are such delights you know.

The Rocket Sits With Pinstripe Wings.

Day Twenty Seven

I ate a jelly bean this morning. But first I had to ask it "why it is?" That disgustingly evil thing simply replied "How can you speak when you have no ears?"
Well that was that! I tortured the little beast by nibbling off its outer core and then I chomped on its inner flesh. That gaggle of jelly jots will think it undone before they leap into my mouth.

But Where Did The People Go?

The Twenty Sixth Day

"Woah no," i said, "The Couch Is In The Pin. How could I possibly want one any smaller? Are you implying my bum is big? Like some god loving, demon worshipper; I think you are the hairy bird."

That's what I told the thing that rang me today, asking all sorts of questions. Then I told her, "if [she] wants to know my private things so much, [she] should read my site. I don't have time to chit-chat."

Puppydogs Will Pay.

The 25th Day

I had to go to the loo for a poo. But then I thought, "Why the hell are filthy RatChildren watching a bear of pooh?" How discustingly hideous, not to mention the unsaintly germ infested poop. And what's with this 'Book Of Pooh?' Like I want an album, to show my closest of fiendish friends or relatives, that's full of all the different poopcorns I've pooped out. What is the world coming to?

Pecking Toes, Where Is The Straw?

The Twenty Fourth Day

I totally forgot to share some of my most prized, my most valuable of all my knowledgeable informative gunk. You are gonna thank me so much. Ok here it goes:

"You will always know when an alien is nearby. Your head will start to tilt towards them as they try to abduct you and your hideous brain. Oh yes, it's the truth. But that’s not all. They also, sometimes, will suck your face with their paws in a dirty orgasmic frenzy as they fantasise their sickeningly slurping up of your brain juices."

PS: You can't kill aliens, believe me I tried. All I will say is I tried to show the world Alien Girl was an alien, but she beamed me into a filthy psych ward of numbness. Anyways, your only hope is to grab some ugly (not cute but ugly) worm child...baby...thing and fling it into the air.

Flying Babies Pain Alien Eyes

NOTICE

If you notice this notice you noticed you’ve noticed, you’ll notice you noticed this notice you noticed; a notice you'll notice you noticed you noticed, that others don’t notice, which is a notice you noticed, so notice you’ve noticed a notice that makes notice of this notice your noticing, as you now notice this notice you noticed you noticed is a notice others have noticed you’ve noticed because this notice you noticed is a notice they noticed and failed to notice all who would notice this notice so others would notice, as they had noticed, because you did not notice they noticed this notice they noticed and notice they gave no notice to this notice to others they knew who would notice such a notice, like this notice and so can have their revenge, unnoticed, for noticing this notice you noticed because it’s a notice that notices, those who notice, that it’s not worth noticing.

56 Notices to notice not including these notices you noticed I noticed you noticed.

The Twenty Third Day

The toilet gives evil grrrrs. Rumbly rumble it goes. I don't know what's wrong with it? I feed it every day.
Homemade snickers and lemonade I say! I tried them once and they aren't that bad. Not bad for evil incarnate with filthy paws that suck your face, that is!
All's you do is, well there's two ways. The first, you can buy a mars bar and pretend, all sneaky like, that it's a snickers. Or you can pack some fudgey mud into a bar and wrap it up in tin foil. The loo won't know the difference and it beats feeling the loo lick your bum when I'm trying to poop! Disgustingly unsanitary...I need a new toilet, or maybe a new bum.

The Paper Gives Evil Stares.

Night of the 22nd day

It just happened; I speak in no tongues or riddle rhymes. A flying lizard asked for $2 bang-bang tonight. Beating on my bedroom window, now, just past midnight. It rapped it filthy wings against the glass in the most wicked of ways. How gross it was, Lisa it called itself. Rubbed herself all over the window. Ruined my view of my laundry curtains. I took no more of it; out I got and frantically beat her away in the most unimaginable of ways. With a god worshipping fly swatter thing from hellish dimensions full of evil preachers from beyond the grave. I don't care how wet she said she was. I wasn't cleaning up after her. Fleas would roam the streets naked if I let that monstrosity inside.

Where Does The Fiber Flow?

Day Twenty Two

Yesterday, a Police Man came to my door, preaching all kinds of unholiness. Did you do this? Did you do that? Then asked for my cooperation! I said no it's my favorite game! Then he gave me a look with his nose all crooked - to the side, not back-to-front. I said, "Hell no, I don't have cups. I threw a mug full of speechless coffee sometime ago... you must have the wrong person. He [the postie] sounds kinda shift-shady if you talk to the gremlin over there." I had a facial expression showing my complete truthfulness of soap clean honesty.
I did, however, mention that the toe whispered it to me, coerced me I said. And hence forth I deny everything. So I shut the door.

Crowd Your Own Space Midget.

Day Twenty One

I did what you said. Oh yes, you do too remember! No foolies, cos you lie like a lying penguin person. Anyway, as I was trying to say, I stood outside. Yep, I did just that, are you amazed? I said shut up! No, I was waiting and waiting and waiting. I waited till I could wait no longer. One minute was long enough; the postie should know not to let me wait in the open dirt like that. Instead I pinned back my inhuman people ears so I could hear with my eyes. I waited for the sound. For the opportunity to make its unholy, BigBird of filthily death appearance. And then it came. I casually strolled out to conversely abuse the postie for unsanitary transport, but I was only pretending. Instead I threw my coffee mug at him and ran inside! I feared his bird like form would explode... but he only got angry, ripped up my mail and left in a huff. What a sook.

I Like The Pretty Monsters.

Day Twenty

All yee who walk through the shadowy web, fear it unbitten. If you are unsure, remember, it's nothing more than a mischievous jelly jot telling you no lie. By the Mother, RatChild and a Leaky Spirit, so it has been unwritten - I will bite you instead, so shut up and queue already.

Like Stretching Thorns, Where Is My Cover?

The Day Of The Ninteenth

White Hair on sandwiches.

What more can I say?!

The end.

The Eighteenth Day

Do you like my new title format? Well too bad because I'm teasing. Nope tomorrow it's back to the normal...or maybe not!

Awe, the suspense is killing me. I wonder what it will be, gosh, I'm so excited, I just can't wait to find out!

Oh yeah, um, just one thing. The coffee doesn't speak. Nope. It won't speak to me or you, but I’ll tell you what it will do. It'll leak all over the damn place, marking it's hideous territory.
Maybe I should throw it at the postie...

The Burning Of Dawn

Day Seventeen

Filthy, Dirty Cheeese, haunts my nightmares. Why does it have to ruin everything? As soon as it hits the bread, no edible sandwich can be created. The bread is forever tainted with the stench of lip-smacky cheese.
I tell you, cheese is the devils’ filth - as too are Superman's red panties... What was he thinking? He is not a penguin or a fly.

Sweet Dreams And Don't Let The Bed Bugs Snap Off Your Toes.

Day Sixteen

There was a fire today. I almost died to death. But luckily I calmly sat the mitten down... And beat the filthy thing to death with a whisk!
That flame will think twice before it births on my oven mitts again.

The Green Hair Tickles My Lip.

Day Fifteen

There I was, can you believe it!?! I was watching TV, but some rude people were interrupting. Banging and crashing with huge dirty trucks and filthy gnomes running all over the place. A cockroach ran into my tummy. I turned up the volume, but to no avail. What was I to do? Where was I to go? I was all out of curses! So it was time to finally unwrap one of my, well, lesser, treasures. A loud speaker! I used it, shouting through the glass, "Shut the hell up, you mangy-flyblown freaks of hideously unknown origins!"
Why should I care their house fell apart in last night’s storm? Mines just fine.

And Then I Said No To The Broom.

Day Fourteen (It's Anniversary Day)

It's my very first anniversary! Well, except for that time I was sooo normal I fell into the trap of socialisationism; becoming a socialisationismist myself.....Would you like to hear about it, A little story for you? Ok then, gather round. Keep you ears peeled or I'll slash you with a teddy bear...

Once in a place
Of a time long ago
I stretched my legs
For a long way I would go

There was grass
And a filthy olive tree
Things wiggled between my toes
Outside it was all sun shiny

I opened a box
Too receive it's treasure
But when I turned around
I was light as a feather

A hideous figure
Peering at me
From behind gross curtains
Freak Neighbors Gawk at me

I was scared
And all alone
Too run inside
Or throw the phone??

No, I grew a big one
Long and wide
Out came Hello
Then I zoomed back inside.

The end. Now go to bed already.

Day Thirteen

I went outside! Are you pleased? Are you proud of me? Well anyway, it was mostly a car ride. I took a taxi down to the local shops. I was fine, yes, there's no need to panic. I was strapped in tight and I clung to the belt taught enough to keep it locked. But I must get down to the deli. I know not of who sells midgets in bags so readily awaiting their own soupy soupness. So when I got there, I went inside. I said hi to Ash, the store clerk, but they did not reply. It's only been 6 months, how rude is that!?! I was infuriatingly Not A Happy Jan at all. But as I walked down the isles searching, combing, feeling, licking everything I saw, I heard a voice.
"Hey you....er...with the hump!"
As if I'd reply to an evil remark like that, I didn't bring it with me.
"Hey, Quazzzimoto," emphasizing the hideous zee's, "What the hell are you doing?"
Were they speaking to me? I was only looking for my midgets. They live in yellow bags all gummied up. That's when I felt it.
There was a strangely invigorating tingle in my, well you know. It was so weird I had to flomp it out and see what it was, but then I noticed Ash standing behind me. They had the weirdest look and there was no way I was staying for that. That was the last straw. I put my shoe back on and left, hiding midgets in my armpits.

Pencils And Butterflies.

Day Twelve

Today I ate super yummy Toadstool Curry with a side dish of Midgets in Rice. Yes I made it myself - it is my own recipe! Midgets are so versatile in the kitchen; they go with everything you know. You'd think everyone would know, but I'm just lucky I guess. And even the most distinguished no not of their usefulness. Which reminds me...

You Said The Fork Had A Story, But It Was The Spoon.

Day Eleven

Well, I'm off to school. Well it's University, so it's way more mature. But I still hate it. All the talking and people staring. Plus there's this filthy monkey; that dirty, evil hairball - it's like Calm-It-Down already!

Anyway, I've gotta have my lunch all planned out or I'll never eat and then we can't learn as my body starts devouring my delicious brain tissue, again. Oh, it is such a trauma isn't it, to learn in the safetiness of my own home. Well because, you see, the table is wonky and those pictures... those pictures of those disgustingly evil, hideously demented people - I learn Human Biology. I know, I know. It's completely outrageously perfect for me isn't it.

You know I could be the people person if I wanted, I could, um…well I could throw some cookies out on the road for those vultures you call neighbors. Stop it, STOP laughing... I'll smack you with a stick!

Day Ten - Well The Night Of Anyway

Oh yes, I've had a night. It wasn't that pleasing though, but I thought that night time would be nicer; with the lack of people and all. So I wore my cool clothes - jeans, a shirt and my beanie... and of course my hair was sticking out of it in all directions! Anyway, I was 2 feet out in the inviting cold and I saw the moon. It was so beautiful and silvery white or some kind of eggshell cream. That's not the point. I finally found peace, except for the ringing in silence. The air was cold and snappish, when all of a sudden, there was pain. I slapped my arm in fear of loosing it to the miniature trolls. But there was more pain all over as I was swarmed by millions of winged beasts. But then, like nothing more horrific from a horror film like no other, a GINORMOUS bat swooped at my head and was diving in for more. I ducked and rolled into the spatula I previously expelled for demonic singing and frantically batted away at the filthy, disease ridden bat. If only I'd known RatGirl could fly... I almost died to death.

There Are Too Many Buttons.

Day Nine

My online Doctor suggests that I get some exercise. I know he's a Devil worshipper now! No way would a sane human being expose themselves to the filthy germs of the outside world...for some dirty, filthy exercise! Hideous troll babies ride the dust and skin flakes that riddle the outside world like some kind of air boarding. Nope. So I fired him and I've had no complaints since. Thank god that drama is over.

Cows They Eat, But Not The Sheep.

Day Eight

I've just checked the mail. Luckily for me he came before 3pm or else the Rat Children would have been roaming the streets; freed from their classroom cages. They have no respect, showing their faces in public. Thank God I don't have a filthy Rat Child of my own! It was disgusting enough, years ago, when I too suffered the same disease.
But I only got dirty junk mail today. You know, the food kind... Like who wants that? Seriously, I wanna know :)

Wheat And Corn For Breakfast

Day Seven

I'm sorry I didn't inform you. Two days ago I checked the mail and said I would be right back to tell you. Well as you well know, I was attacked. Oh yes, this time it wasn't as clear as a Sunday or sometimes Saturday morning. There it lay underneath my letter from Stumps. Casually I lifted the pile of mail out and all was sunshine and rainbows.... But I was misinformed.
It was to be a gloomy doom day of gloom as I noticed a heavenly filth picture peaking at me from beneath the mail. It was a GOD book!!! Like anyone, I'm sure you know wwhat happened, I flung the lot in the air, screaming at the top of my lungs. It felt so disgusting upon my fingertips. I ran; I ran so fast I slammed the front door. I had to shower and scrub myself clean.

I was almost tainted, but fortunately I survived.

Day Five (I'm So Excited!)

Ok, I'm gonna go outside any minute now and see what yesterday left me. But first I must, at all costs, check to make sure the street is clear. Until then, let me tell you something ok. A midget dangles from my earlobe, clutching on with it's teeth. Ok I'm going, I'll be right back...

SHHHH! Don't Scare The Library Books, Some Of Them Have Tongues.

Day Four

The Postman is playing tricks on me today. I heard him leave, only to emerge from my cocoon to find him delivering on the opposite side of the street! How dare he give them their mail before my side!
I can only go outside once per day, I tell you. It is just too damn scary, not to mention all the ants and flower petals. I can't get my mail until tomorrow now.

The Worm Is In The Skin

Still Day Three

Ok, ok, I'll say it, just stop yelling! It was... you see, it was like - all mouldy! Ahhhhhhh! I had to pick it up and discover that hideous fur hiding under the glad wrap. I threw it away and ran to my room; hiding inside the doona cover. I prayed the filthy little devil would leave me be...

Lions won't communicate

Day Three (It's actually the 4th, but I just can't deal with that right now)

Today I felt like some fithly cheese. I hate the stuff, like most people, but what else goes with tomatoes and cracker's? But as I opened the fridge door, no I can't say it......

Then There Were Two

Wow, can you believe I got a friendly message today. I know it's an absolute breach of my outerworld experiencing time but I said to myself that it was such a nice thing that I must tell all who will listen. They were like a bright glowing light and I was blind for just a second. It's times like these I need spiders-in-jam on toast.

My day is less filthily gloomy than yesterday's dramatic endevour of waking up to greet the morning sun... blinding pain stung my eyes.

Day Two (Of This Blog Thingy)

It's so wonderful I now have a real link to the outside world while keeping my saftey. But that darn postie is the devil! I will wait to hear his bike leave before I venture out the front door again. I almost walked outside and touched the filthy grass between my toes when I heard him coming up the street to meet me. Hell no to that. I turned right back around and peered through the curtains.

PS: The Drowned Rat Is The Little Bird.

Day One

I opened the door and went outside, but the postie was still there. I freaked out and ran back inside... waiting for his departure so's i could collect the mail. God it was so scary.

The Creation

Did you know a rat lives among us? No you wouldn't. It's so hideous, she (If you can call it that) lives in the sewers and thank god for that. You see, if you look her in the eye (either one will do) then you will instantly flee in a fit of fear struck panic-ness. And some have thought the Pain of Death could comfort them.... Those poor filthy souls. Oh yeah and then I had a lolly, it was watermelon yumminess flavoured :)