I Survived Month One (Barely)

A battalion awaited me. They destroyed every last utensil in the kitchen before my arrival. I think they ate them, I'm not sure. Anyways, I was calmly walking to the fridge; I needed some heavenly milk. I love milk. And I calmly (I said no dirt and grime covered lies) flung those filthy Trolls out of my way, sending them flying in the most glorious flight trip they did ever experience...to come face to face with their own impending doominess of doom. They were flung into the walls and cupboards. And well they got angry didn't they. Those filthy fiendish little beasts leapt from all around; I fell to the ground. But luckily my awesome doggy of all scruffy scruff nipped at their enormously hideous ears of hairy poopcorn filth.

I was saved :)