If The Pen Had Ears

Day 299: The Crying Blob

2006-08-22T13:22:00.000+08:00

I sincerely congratulate the fawned laughter of that indecent kindling. I speak, of course, of the one that matters least; yes, the hairy little gremlin savagely commenting on every possible post. Do not think it goes unnoticed by my prying eyes, for they are so privy; to this immaculate congression. Begone foul minion of the deepest depths. The tweens are not safe for you any longer. I will make it my duty in Scraping your graffiti-like homage off the very walls of perfection that line this oh-so divine page. Sitting will not make you worthy, no.

Pumpkin Wrapping For The Unborn Nappy.

Day 298: Turning A Buried Coward

2006-08-21T00:56:00.000+08:00

Holy flawnscopes of an unturned toadstool. Lisa The Lizard Fairy has informed me of the most disasterous tale that could cause your pink mush to flail! One day, it may be so unwritten, a dirty little MoonChild could very well be birthed into the horrid world. I covered my ears in disbelief. I could not bear such an attrocity of inhuman natures. Never more shall I speak the tongue of the Day tribe. I will see the hairy stall and hear no lie. It can't ever be, no, it shan't. A Moon Faced MoonChild walking the earth, roaming the streets; combing the grass like an estranged madMoon! I will wash my eyes, with soap and butter, of this filth and eat cherry crumb pie. For Where Art Thou Gawd Spawning Devil Minions Who Would'th Allow No Charity??

Calming The Soothing Balm.

Day 290: Mixing With Scalves

2006-08-13T03:00:00.000+08:00

A wobble and an interupting downward springing back force, threw my lethargic body a mere 1 micrometre into the air. But as I fell back to the calm I remembered what had happened. I looked up and saw it hanging from the roof. It was merely a lifetime second tha forced my unconscious responses. I fling my lids shut and prayed they wouldn't be peirced so lovingly. A rip and then a tear and it all came crashing down upon me. My boniest little frame was not there, but still framing the picture over there in the case for booklets. But I was in the trauma to occur. I was beneath the event and soon I would merge with it and become the calamity to end all toaster from working their morning shifts. My kitty cat hd lept so high and mightily towards the featherd disc that floated above my bed. It was there to trapt the toothfairy and all other devil spawned minions who would otherwise infiltrate my precious dreams of unwavering disinfecting. My catcher of dreams had failed to grasp the roof hard enough to support the overweightiness of the kitty and I should soon pay the price. As I lay there, my head turned and my eyes squinted shut I waited for the paws. I thought it would never come and that i had simply dreamt the endevour and maybe I could open my eyes and see the truth. But then I felt a large puff of cloud thud deep into my face. I hard ring was entangled and it tried to peirce me with it's blunted edges. But I was too special. The kitty clawed away and I turned over. Damn kitty should not have attempted to venture the night without it's known findings first.

Living The Humble Dream Down In Calamity Square.

Day 283: Time Passes The Why

2006-08-06T23:38:00.000+08:00

Screeching like a barren pimple, I thought maybe I should lie. But that frozen turnip knew all too well that I was the wiser and could fathom such a thought. So instead I sneakily sounded the vowels like a clopped possum and I wheezed with the ordain pokings in a dainty dart. You see, Stumps had failed to inform me that she was truly in the depths of "love" with the hunchback of Clarkson High. I shan't divulge names but this Scottie Character had wooed her to the prism binding realm of insatiable insanity. I flicked her ear but then I thought "The Poop offered to buy the drink and I refused?" I could have savoured the weight of a filled wallet, but no, I let it get away. Grandma will once again ignore the rosing temples that spark the very essence of intellectual vastness but no, I am not worthy. Have it your way.

Blobs Are Blue For Winter Can never Snow.

Day 274: Cream With Butter & Pie

2006-07-28T11:00:00.000+08:00

The incoherent coagulations in an unheeded rind. I said "How can you expect to hear with munchkins munching that there corner?" But no one spoke to the wind that drifted across the room. Looking around all was silent and cosy dreams....EXCEPT that gawd awful devil munching that rattled the brainless monkey scoops in the tropics! Is it truly the workings of an undead beastly monstrosity that sees it so fit to disturb my almost near silent surroundings and to inflame the temples? I believe it not. I should get out my trusty but ever so clean dusting mop and search that dirty little feather muncher out....No one will rule the sounds in this housing space without first consulting the fleas trapped in the entanglements below. The carpets you silly oyster! I shall seek and destroy and none shall stop me, let me at it!

Laughing Like A Balding Balloon.

Day 268: Filth That Lies

2006-07-22T20:11:00.000+08:00

"You broke it with your eyes!" That is what I spoke to Lisa The Lizard as she dragged her Barbie doll carcass into view. I saw her all ragged and torn and i said all meaningful like, "Say no to the loops with lines, Sugar will only cause pins and thimbles." And she screeched like a morning flower that blooms in the evening for no other way could she have said it. Her leg had snapped off in her unconscious endeavour to fly like a foxy moron through the germ filled air of filth towards what can only be described as something horrible. She was attempting to trip near the trailer for the weekend, but instead she found tears of despicable courage and torment. Dam. Now I have to buy another Barbie...at least I can finally utilise the internet in such a worthy manor and save my reputable self from ridicule at the counter. "And what have you come as today?" the cashier would say.

Flip The Loops On The Pencilled Lines.

Day 262: Don't Fool The Jam

2006-07-16T12:10:00.000+08:00

Like a flapping turtle in the breeze, I saw nothing there. Horrified at my lack of substance I turned and slapped Ashley across the knee cap for being where she should never have placed those filthy feet. "The kitchen, little devil spawned horror, is off the bounding edges" I said with all the charm and truthfulness spewing from between my divine, devil lips that shimmer with the light of darkness. But she simply wiggled out of sight and set that gawd aweful thing back in the tin. I saw her do it many times and I shan't allow it to continue. "Come hither" I coaxed her nearer. And with a lone swift movement I slapped that dispicable atrosity that lay claim on her elbow. I slapped it again and she was weeping. "No more elbows in the sugar bowl?" She questioned. I said "Stop sneezing the devils filth and leave it out of the sugar!" And I left her to her own devious devices that snatch the living lightbulbs of frutrience from the air itself. She will fear the next time she trickles a sugar destruction thought of doom and certain gloom for sugar spawn that frolick in their playing bowl of wonderful torment. I will eat them with my peas.

Purple Round, An Upward Strike.

Day 252: Lions Are Fooling The Plate

2006-07-06T14:05:00.000+08:00

Chopping round like a whinding blade, the world seemed to merge in a fuzzy blur. Some crackling sound did approach itself from that direction, all around. Soon it will be over, i thought to myself. And I continued to feel the exstacy. A strange blob of brown was making itself nearer until I nearly felt it with the tips. But it was not to praise me, nor was it there to speculate. There it stood all des-pickle-able with gapping eyes and nostrils. I think I saw a hair up there. The pointing infuriated the ghastly garden gnomes, so immortalised in such fragile stone. Then I felt it. The wishing of the air around me. I felt it tickle my lobes. And just as surely; it began to stretch around to my nose. Gracefully I braced my toes for the impact as I fell nearer to the filthy dirt covered earth. The sin that would entail such an activity is unbeknown to the highest of the almighty you know! And there I was, in mid flight and that blob became a lady. She was so hideous like something I had never seen before. Twigs for hair and some dirty, filthy chicken bone in her hand. God it was the worse sight my eyes had had the pleasure of seeing. No more wandering eyes for me.
I hit the ground.
Rushing over to me, the chicken bone lady did a screech of perilous demise that would scorn the deafly ones, burnt by the thought of seeing such a disgrace. She was shaking me and I screamed so loud I thought it was a whisper. I poked her in the eye in a flash moment of desperation. Freed from her chicken grasp, I ran all warped liked. The world was not able to stay beneath my feet. I knew I should not twirl in public. Something do devious as to make me worthy of their sight always happens. That chicken bone will be mine.

Don't Eat The Floss, Or Eggs Can Fill The Tea.

Day 251: Out For A Walk

2006-07-05T10:55:00.000+08:00

"Your Rather queer looking today," said Edgar Fulderhose
"Oh, oh but I'm going for a walk today," studdered Gilberg Hermungle, "I m-must have my pretty frock, I quite like it's textures on the tips."
Edgar Fulderhose replies, "Well you've yet to clean the rusty bucket," and slapped Gilberg Hermungle with a straw.
"B-but I like the hose to tell mestrange thing like that," Sobbed Gilberg Hermungle
"That strange odour is stinging my eyes; are you off?" Questioned Edgar Fulderhose.
"I s-s-say, Edgar... You are but a so-o-ock!" And Gilberg Hermungle threw Edgar Fulderhose away.
"I'm glad I never had the pleasure of tasting your flavours!"

That was quite a strange story, was it not? I do believe it tainted by those lies, those lies and filth called Salad Fingers. Not to be unapproachably rude, But I fear I am confused... No, I am normal.

Familar Hermits Still Not The Same.

Day 247: All Crinkled And Cut With Smiths

2006-07-01T16:19:00.000+08:00

Awakening from my untorturously insane sleeping arrangement, I did notice something weird and so down left to the wrong side. I sat up in all the horror in no attempt to decipher the event at hand. Slowly it moved and I wobbled. So did it. What could be so disastrously devilish like the pickled gherkins that spoke to the worms? Nothing. That’s right, this moment was no worse than a midget eating rice on the bus with a square dancing pixie making the ungawdly decision to pee up the pipe, between the midgets toes. Nope, It could only be described as something from a comedy that made no sense and was more than nothing like gravy slopping from that disgusting orifice you house that poor like tongue in. What the hell did it ever do to you? I said it with my eyes and a lumpy lollypop-man said no. Drool had escaped my face and dribbled down the cheek to a position worth noting. It was there in the middle like a puddle on the roof.

Scissors Clip The Burnt Side Pin.

Day 235: Stretching Is For Length

2006-06-19T15:52:00.000+08:00

You won't believe it! I am in the upright position, twisting over no sideways eating chips and milk. I did measure it. Yep, that's right "it." I did it with a ruler and i found its length of growth. I am so proud, but also very disappointed. For what will i do till it goes away? I was so stupid; i did not think to drink the silky smooth milk from heaven before in the days preceding the event. And then it happened. So completely appalled, i noticed it move. It won't be long now, i do not think and it will near the top so that I may chomp it off. My nail, on that ungawdly finger of divine shapings, rests a white, malignant marking, ruining the view. Of course they are not like spick and span but that is for no purpose. The mark is moving up my nail... I have the suspicious suspicion that a miniature worm died in my inner depths and now its ghostly form is seeping out through my de-perfectionated nail. Oh, thank the macabre elements for their unrighteously depleted levels reminiscent of the unmistakable mark of death defying salivation. I said stop drooling.

That Hairy Sitting Has Withered From The Bone.

Day 228: Something Is Lost

2006-06-11T15:02:00.000+08:00

A snowball tapped me on the head, blocking me from view. I saw the reminiscent image of a figure I once knew. But it was lost, all because that interfering blob stood there like I was nothing to be reckoned with. I got up on the public chair and towered over the beast. Slapping them with a piece of trash I forgot to let go of, I hit them across the face with almost glee. The second slap was more a smear as I brought the trash back over their unsuspecting face all slow like. They will freeze in fear the day they think of reckoning with my vision again. I will not have such atrocious unrighteousness bewildering the flowering flora once again. Not in my era.

She Walks In Line, But Porcelain Makes Her Soul.

FP2: Remeniscent Sin

2006-05-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

A Little Sin.

Day 209: When Did It Go To Hell?

2006-05-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

I found an 8 legged turkey,
It gobbled at its feast.
It wobbled its dirty flops,
But it's beak I liked the least.

"Dare it near so closer,"
That thing croaked to speak
"Oh, please release the flea"
I suddenly felt weak.

Ignoring me it pecked
Gnawing at the day
So I walked in for a look
I knew somehow I'd pay.

It did pounce upon me
I screeched so heavenly loud,
"Don't rape my precious eyeballs,"
"Of them I am so proud."

Scratching with its claws,
I feared they'd dig so deep.
Pentrating my supple skin
It's filthy germs it will keep.

I grabbed it by the ankles
Squawking "Calm It Down"
I threw its awful carcass,
For now dinner, I had just found.

Moral: Turkeys gobble with evil in their eyes. Don't trust em, ever.

Day 208: The Dirty Things

2006-05-22T21:29:00.000+08:00

Tarnished! The rebounding devils that make it crack have had at it. I speak only of that trashy thing which housed my only source of warming tingles. The pain will grow and I can't bear to go there. No, please no. I refuse to eat from its loins, that is beyond the beneath of me. Taking my trash can was more than it had beared. The dumpster gave me those good looks like it would happen there. I shall have to find home soon. Not a one person flower beater is looking for me anyways.

"...And It Was My Time..." - Lisa Stewart, 2006

Finger Porn 1 Is Here

2006-05-21T06:07:00.000+08:00

Day 206: I Got Back In There

2006-05-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

Sorry, is the least thing I could say. But i did anyway. Far to busy with my new, still unwelcome, guest residing within me; it has moved up into my nasal passages. I believe it is working it's way into my tear ducts; for reasons I can't share. But it's there. I feel it. Hollow rocks that drift in the sea, I no longer know what I am doing. The effect should soon wear off, but I am not sure if you will have noticed...that is, my hair will finally be in a rightned placing. Too long has it sat in this position since, well, Thursday i think. I will wash it in the drain tomorrow don't you fear. Yes, my little chirping friend. I can see the daylight. It pierces the sky above and calls me to the boxes. I shall find my way. I will get back home, my shell of saftey and then see if they can harm my untainted skin. Just you wait and see.

Jolly Midgets, As If Silly!

Day 205: It Slept With Me

2006-05-19T11:06:00.000+08:00

I awoke to the sensation. A tickle I don’t remember. It wiggled and tickled so strangely wrong. How can this be? I was there all alone. But no, it felt worthy of the touch. Giving me the geeby heeves. I fought for my voice, but it spoke no words. My throat, violated by the tickle. Oh, it was horrible. Apparently I disturbed its wondrous violations of explorations within. Suddenly I feared it could happen….And it did. I coughed and choked on that darn tickle. But a tickle it was no more. It turned fierce like a kitten on the wool. Scraping my precious throat, turning it all against me. I refuse, I’m not having it. I will lick the lemons til it turns away. My throat is not for housing devilish tickles that rape my inner crevices. I will not tolerate such hell-bent, ungodly despicable behaviour from a force that can’t be trifled with; no.

“It’s Noice, It’s Different, It’s Un-Ewes-Yewl!” – Kath And Kim

Day 204: How Does This Work

2006-05-17T10:53:00.000+08:00

Escaping into the cold, cold night I ran with my legs. They did stride so far and wide i had to ask, "But how did you eat the leaves?" Not replying, those snoots, they took me across a paddock. I feared for the sprites all bottled up. It is something of a shame. But them i came so frightfully close to a street. A darkened ally of which housed the very most interesting things of all. That's right; I say it like a beef sandwich, Thanks for the keys. Stopping all so abruptly, i had to slap those legs for the undeniably inopportune moment; i really wanted to see the corner over there. But then i saw a nice as nice little friend. I said hello and in the gust of the wind, i heard a never so nearly not there reply "Hi." So thankful for the return, i decided to house myself within its confines. Tearing an edge, i apologised like the kind-hearted twiglet that i most assuredly am and i screamed as we fell into the sleep. A white-hair sandwich offered itself to me... I gratefully accepted the use of a pillow in these harshest of times.

Speaking Squirrels, Nurture Of The Swine.

Day 203: A Bug Did Land At Night

2006-05-15T10:20:00.000+08:00

I've done it. I've gnawed through those devilishly trapping, wrapping straps. How dare they confine me to the raping pleasure of a forehead band! I will seek to cast the curse, but firstly I must get out; If it could be the very last thing I ever had done. Gosh, my letterbox will be in the overflow. I can see it with my eyes, sitting there, coughing and spluttering; letters jammed deep within it's orifice of doom. Such a gloomy day today. Last night the sky did cry so heavily and then that darn evil, yellow popping minion of heavenly eye blinding morning, did swing itself around and remove my cover. The shiny, fineness of it; Oh, it sickens me. I must make it right or the tulip sand will never bite!

To Make It Late For Polka-Dot Snorps.

Day 173: For me?? Thank You!

2006-04-15T15:21:00.000+08:00

I'm all packed. I have my nappies and my broom. I have the finger painting I drew in the cupboard. It was fun, drawing in the dark. I am ready to be set free back in to the wild. But I'm not saying hello to the postman on Monday. No I refuse. They never visited me once! I thought we were such good friends now. Ashley and Lisa are going to be so excited... Well that is if they're still alive. I'm not sure how well they can care for themselves. I may just find two carcasses on the floor.
"Come on. No, leave that stuff. We're going to your new home now...Come on." Said the witchy Marg all painted up.
What does she mean new home?
"I'll have you know I have lived there many years and torchering the air will be no pleasure." I said there with my nose stuck down, forehead frowning and glaring eyes. Gosh, she was a toad.
"We're gonna strap you in for the long haul. No more playing, come with me." She spoke it more sturnly just now.
"Stupid woman, I am talking the the wall..can you not see??"
Anyway. I should be going, I can always talk at home lol. I will just have a look at this room with the strapping bed these white ghouls are speaking so fondly of and then I'll be on my way. It had better be a good looking bed though, I'm not taking it home otherwise.

The End Is Somewhere Near.

2006-04-15T03:33:00.000+08:00

Yo Ho Ho and finger porn is gone
You’re too slow; now where's that rum???

In any kinda floodle of an afflicted sign, you were too slow or too unsmart to get it. Alas, my sweet, sweet creation of hilarious laughter has begotten your malevolent eyes of scorching doom as they gazed away at thenormal boring sun rays, seeping into the infinite darkness to reach those useless retina's you have. Could you not have tempted yourself to fool around? It is a dirty, dirty shame that burning bush of seduction and desire were not quenched by my lucrative inspiring essence of filthy G-Rated porn. The only nudity was that of a finger or two and your minds were to guttered to perceive it's glorious perfection of humour versus the insane mind of two freaks gone far down the path of unrighteousness; to comically violate and amuse of course :P

Day 171: Sniff The Air; Not Unclean

2006-04-13T10:05:00.001+08:00

Holy trollups of an unseen force, I am to go outside and play today. I brought my newfound friend. They are so stick like I do confuse them with the broom! Never the mind to which I speak. Outside, I sniffed a most beautiful flower. It was yellow and it had petals...It I would devour. But there, hiding amongst the flower forest, was a hideous, devil worshipping Munchkin. It was so filthy, I grabbed my stick and flung it all around. I tore up every flower, I dug for every seed. I was not going to rest until it's godly flesh was torn. Stick almost died to death, I did hear something snap.

Birds That Flap Don't Have Pins.

Almost Home, I Can See It Now

2006-04-13T06:09:00.000+08:00

They say 30 Days and I am free. Why did they take me so long? And what is that fuzzy monstrosity in the corner? I must taste it, but that comes later. Ooooh! I did sneak a peak, a cheeky one at that. It was the grading paper and it had such wonderful things to say about me.

"Pathologically unstable"

"Dillusional, Paranoid Schizophrenia" "Domestically incapable..."

"Danger to Society... danger to self." "Freak...loon...clinically insane"
"Repressed"

"Eventual degeneration of morals and values, leading to an unpredictable, behavioural & mental outcome, although most likely psychotic..."

Wow, did the doctor have such nice things to write about me or not? Yes, I do feel the privelage. It's giggling up and I am proud to be a human.

Day 163: Again, Why Is It So?

2006-04-05T13:01:00.000+08:00

Are the lines blurring? Do people truely not see the filth they stick in their gapping mouths of germ infested doom? Sticks of so called plastic cheese, is an abomination to the kind hearted turtles that drift in the breeze. Do not touch the tank or fear it unscathed. I see it now...Cheese, it is the Devils pathway.

It Sat There; Dust Flew Past.

Day 157: Spherical Damnation

2006-03-30T09:53:00.000+08:00

The end is nye my little fiends. How could you see the signs? When it was created i could see only horrible filth of demeaning grace. So i flicked the tube and went to bed. But this wobbles with such flexability and it shines with glee. I believe it is some kind of, most undoubtably, hideously unrighteous, filthy, DIRTY cheese! This form of plastic death, the devil itself could not have foreseen.

Repeating Shadows Move To Tease.

Day 154: Sneaky Watches Glaring Hard

2006-03-27T14:48:00.000+08:00

T'was the morning after and I successfully succeeded. It is the wee's mee's you know. I say it like a broken cleave, my bottom cheeks do have their cover. But the nappy itches; such irritation I can't believe. What torture to enforce upon the aging sacs of wobbly slack. But I do not have the heart to gain relief, for I could not hope to steal another if I am not privy.

Striding Up And Curling Hair.

Day 153: Mine, All Mine

2006-03-26T14:49:00.000+08:00

Shhhhh! Do not speak the words so loudly. I did get a nappy and I found it just where I told you. It was lying there, waiting so innocently, there in the cupboard down the corridor. It was so shiny and smooth, I could not resist but sanitise it right there. As if I'd touch it otherwise barehanded! Hell no to that you wacky pencil case from the unknown pocket of horrible god worshipping doom. But now I must wait patiently til the time can pass that I will have my way with the filthy little pooh catcher.

Looking Is A Privilege.

Day 152: Where To Go?

2006-03-25T12:07:00.000+08:00

I have so much freedom, but I can not dare take a look. If they see me nearing, I will loose the chance. Some granny nappies lay waiting in the mist covered storage room. I saw a lady troll hording them in there like a camp of non-desire. But do not mock the obvious hilarity to be had, they are welcoming the so torturous rectuma experience, it is what they're made for. I'll have them undone and pulled up in the mean time. Why does it play such harsh tricks on me. Mommy WOW, I'm A Big Kid Now.

Stick It With A Burping Needle.

Day 151: Exiting The Holiday Inn

2006-03-24T10:05:00.000+08:00

At last! That witch has returned to place me within my most beautiful jacket, given to me by that holy one, Marg. Yes, she has holes. But more to the fickle point of narrow being, I have been raped again. Do they not care? This strap is trying it so hard to penetrate my cheek. But I was ready. Ready like the sheep I am. I snatched it with my teeth and tugged it hard. It loosened...What?! I could not believe, my arms....Hello.

Squabbling To The Tree Is Not Healthy.

Day 150: I Believe It Not

2006-03-23T13:14:00.000+08:00

Thyne vision is blurred by your over excenturated bumps. They make it look so aweful, I think it is truely something bad. Yes! You have it done now; it is complete. Now exist in the loop all upside down. No, don't thank me. Your face will shock all oncomers and bother you no more. I never knew I had it down pat; chocolate mousse does cure the unsightly beast.

Feast Your Ungorged Eyes.

Day 149: Closer To The Mantle

2006-03-22T15:21:00.000+08:00

"There. No, right there! It is over here now. I say to you, there is a mole rolling itself all over your face.I can not bare it any longer. Remove it, Or I will have to chew it off with my heavenly white teeth of mashing doom." MoleGirl simply starred with a glare and looking all in-a-not like. "Do not blame me for you torturous appearence, blame those from which you emerged. If only you'd ask, I'm sure they'll be glad to put you back." And she ran away, wailing in the breeze. Pity, she was a hideously nice one.

The Vision Is Bound To The Monkey.

Day 148: I Am Found

2006-03-21T14:02:00.000+08:00

"What is this group thing?". Few, *sigh* I lost myself for a minute there. That rascally weasel stole me in the wrong direction and said it was all good. I did say I was in disbelief, but it was better than the event I could endure, again. "And what are you going to talk about today?" And like she knew I wouldn't dare say it I pushed it threw my gritted teeth as I wrang that darn snot filled tissue, "......Madalin Ashton." She would give me evil stares as the others wriggle their worms out, there, in a screaming frenzy. And then I turn my chair in disgrace.

Keep It Here, The Face Is Safe.

Day 147: No It is Not Fun

2006-03-20T12:51:00.000+08:00

I said No and she would not believe. A troll like griffin scurried across the roof. But she was not noticing. I slapped her for being so beastly. Why would she not wear her peel like the banana she is? I said, "I won't speak, if you won't dance," and I stopped smoking the wheels down the corner. I like the pan.

When Did It Go?

Day 146: & It Spoke To Me Again.

2006-03-19T12:40:00.000+08:00

"Why do I have to wash it? It is not dirty and you seem to like playing with it. I rather wished you wouldn't though. I mean, you are a loony toon after all. Don't touch me there! With your....your...filthy skin covered fingers.. Oh theyare the wiggling fauna you know. Now let go of my hair or I will tell on you, no foolies!" I said that to the monstrous thing that sat so near I could smell it's foul odour.

Purple Like Lemons With A Double Tee.

Day 145: Forever Young

2006-03-18T12:08:00.000+08:00

I found one. I found a friend. It is so happy days for me. But she is slighty abnormal I do think. But what? What makes her so wrong?

Do Not Squeeze, You'll Rip The Knee.

Day 144: I'm Free

2006-03-17T10:12:00.000+08:00

Escupay! Like The wise one did say; I am free of such attrocious behaviour. But what is that? That...THING over there? It is teasing me, I can't believe such nonsense. Why am I here, when can I go home?

It Is Never Worse Than The Cheese.

Day 143: I Said No!

2006-03-16T10:08:00.000+08:00

I said to the doctor and he said no! How rude to deny my essence of the properly divine experience. I do say it with displeasure, "I want the strap removed; it is raping my face!" And then I got locked in the cupboard again.

Hear It Now, Don't Be Late.

Day 142: There It Lay

2006-03-15T10:37:00.000+08:00

Why am I here, in such a place? Can you believe I have been napped? I say it with cheese in my breath, "Do get off my face!" How dare it lay there like it is as worthy as the skin. This strap has flopped forwards and it is resting on my cheek. "Please go torment the troll in the corner," I say, "It's got hungry, beady little eyes."

The BackWorm Is Dirty

Still Day 141: My Last Words...

2006-03-10T11:16:00.000+08:00

They've come to collect me. Those filthy beasts think I will help them. Ashley tried flashing her nearly there cleavage, but to no avail. We boarded up the house. Ashley and Lisa are holding them back. Kitty is there too. But to the unastonishing amasment of a tree, they are winning. They say I get a jacket and a room all to me. But not Lisa or Ashley. Oh no, They're breaking in. How dare they not wipe their troll like feet. I will be fine my minions. UnTil NeXt, but first I must go smack them with a stick!

The Twig.

Day 141: The Beginning

2006-03-10T11:11:00.000+08:00

To bestow the honour upon my forehead..."Ahlalahhhh," I wobbled an ancient tune; "GULP!" Oops, There goes the battery.

Day 140: What Went Wrong?

2006-03-09T09:24:00.000+08:00

Was it not mouldy enough? I bet it farted. Why didn't they see its insane beauty?? It sang, it croaked, it broke all the soap; it tried as hard as it could. But apparently it wasn't the fleas’ keys because the postie was not as enthralled as I had previously imagined. In fact, that devil worshipping Policy Man did return for my Operation! I again refused for I loved it dearly. But he was like a stone rock. Harder than the walls I say. I stormed off, in an outrageous outrage, how could I let myself say such a profanity like "Holy, Moley, Majolley!" But with no further complaint I shoved the Operation into his belly and said "But do be careful to remove the twigs, the line is broken." And with unlawful truthfulness that oozed from my orifice like sludge from a drain, I smiled like the dirty soap I became and there I stood. A single tear escaped and trickled its filthy essence down my now dirty face. I closed the door and cried.

Scissors Snip The Paper Wall.

Day 139: I Feared It Gone

2006-03-08T09:45:00.000+08:00

All day I feared the very worst. I was in shock and horror at the near takings of my filthy present. One lonely fly did try to sneak a munch on it, but before I could do a thing, it keeled over and died. It must have been near death an in a wishing crave for yummy tastings, but it failed so miserably. And there it was. My feud will forget it ever was and they will leave me mail once again. BigBird was about to receive my prize! Ohhh, I'm so happy! They took it, my present of horrible filth was plunged deep within their bag. Yes, can you believe, we must now be friends!

The Sick Gherkin Tricks The Knee.

Day 138: Hidden From My View

2006-03-07T13:23:00.000+08:00

There it was, all that time. Just there, doing nothing but waiting there; hidden. It was so dirty, when I excavated it's poor choice of housing. How disgusting it was to feel its furry texture. I squealed as I picked up its protesting carcass. A sausage lay there; behind the microwave. It was there all along with nothing but Thyme. That two timing ho! She is meant to be with Basil! I refused to have such unrightousness exhibited within my sanctity, so I tied a note all around it's mould farming exterior and I have placed it upon the letterbox. It reads:

"Dear BigBird,

This is from me to you,
May it stop your bleating heart
And give you pleasant nightmares :)

Luv Twiggy"

Starlet Flicks To Please.

Day 137: It Worked

2006-03-06T16:49:00.000+08:00

Those vultures are at it. I did as I said and it was true. I can't believe such an omnivorous thing could bestow such unlawful qualities only shared by the RatDevil and RatGirl before them! I did throw some non-Oreo cookies out on the filth ridden road. And out they sprang, like a docked parrot and they gobbled up those dirtied cookies like they were out for the litter. Those poor filthy souls. They know not of their own unrighteousness that blinds their windows. Yellow and Pink polka dots are not for curtains you know.

A Cup Of Jam And Tea.

Day 136: Pleasant Dreams In Danger

2006-03-05T12:31:00.000+08:00

I did not hear the whispers until they were right inside of me. I tried to speak but my tongue was not there. I walked a mile only to find you; sitting there. But you were not there. You were just a doll. That same doll. You traumatised me in my youth, so I cut your hair. But soon after I was even more scared. Would you come and get me, in the middle of the night? Sharpened nails to cut me? Would you seek such revenge? But no, you’re still sitting there. And there you will stay, locked in the cabinet, for I can not take the chance. So there you will stay, locked in there with you now shortened hair.

Cough Up Your Fur ball, Now Push Me Up The Slide.

Day 135: Put On Your Neck

2006-03-04T14:10:00.000+08:00

It was all fine and dandy. Yes, it was dandy, do not insult the word; it does feel its own horrible existence enough without your devilish input. Anyways, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, it happened on that day. It was like any other day, except it was a Wednesday. It was so nearly close to home time. Yes, you guessed it, I was too at that filthy trauma conceived school. Do not detest its awesome power, you cannot resist, only hope to survive unscathed - I passed through with flying colours obviously :) So anyways, it was like this. I was there and Lisa was there; sitting to my right. We were enjoying our time together because we are friends and we cared not for the nappy-haired minions that sat in front of us...yes they were evil! And we were having the fun when damn, the teacher came. He looked like Mr Sheen, the spray stuff, but he also brought along the teacher in "Training." oh yay, it was going to be fun. Well it was. The teacher spoke some words that revealed the horrid truth, Ms Capon would be teaching the class today. Holy hell in spam! So I thought I would let her have a chance and so I sat all nice an innocent like. "Hello everyone, we're going to **coKAHHHK!** She had coughed up a fur ball and sent it flying across the room. The class was in shock. But as sure as you are, Lisa and I did not laugh. We sat and inside we were bubbling. Smiles grew so big we were freakishly tormented clowns from the depths of that insanely "big" tent. Meanwhile, Ms Capon paused for a few seconds. She swept her vision across the class mumbled, "I'm gonna be si.." and she flew herself out the door and never returned that day. Yes, this is when we let it out. We let it out so hard, we were in a fiddled state of giggles and wiggles. Laughter bellowed down the corridor and had ourselves a fun time indeed.

A Shoe Does Not Crackle.

Day 134: It Is Privacy "From"

2006-03-03T17:52:00.000+08:00

I heard some wailing and some moans after that. Then pleasurable groans; oh, what’s that? And a giggle!? "What is this atrocity," I asked with a heightened pitch! I stormed my way through the house. It is a cows hide in here. No one else understands the necessity for sanitary hygiene. I did find my way to the back lounge room, turned and there it was! Bypassing nerve impulses for thought; I was in a debacled puking state. There in the china cabinet lay Lisa the Lizard Fairy. How did she enter? The locks are on the outside?? More importantly, what did she think she was doing? It was a profanity I can barely survive remembering. Ok, so there was Lisa and she was doing it! That's right! She was indeed, bathing, there, in grandma's vase. It singed my eyeballs shut it was so twisted.

Laughing Glasses Google The Fry.

It Is Not All Revealed

2006-03-03T03:21:00.000+08:00

Do not be tempted to thinking you know it all. There are quite the many few stories I am reluctanly unopened to sharing with you. They are, of course, written in a diary, of some sorts and they are kept hidden from your prying eyes. But maybe one day, when demand is greater than postings, I will delve into such facinating tails for the viewing pleasure.

Sneeky i know.

Day 133: Not More Than One Roast

2006-03-02T20:05:00.000+08:00

I saw it. It sat there fat as a place of four walls and a pointy hat! I tell no lie or crooked curves; it was too a Bicorn. You don't believe such nonsense? Well I said it was fat, what more should be spoken? Don't believe me then but I saw it and it was there, engulfing the hordes of troll minions wielding their treacherously hardened cheese off cut swords of doom and destruction, all the while wearing their filthy bacon rashers from the very bowels of the stench ridden hell. So that is why they returned. It makes a picture now.

Why Aren't They Included?

Day 132: Today I Saw The Truth

2006-03-01T07:22:00.000+08:00

It is way beyond what I had imagined in such an unimaginable place. How could something so normal make it all the better, just by putting it there and turning just ever so smally to the left. My pantry is so much more lively now; having a lava lamp placed within its interior. Could no one else have thought such perfection? I think not.

Sitting Snitches Bail The Hay.

Day 131: Screaming Is The Solution

2006-02-28T07:12:00.000+08:00

There is was. Its eye's gawking at my body. I wouldn't normally care due to the fact that I am so hot, I enflame myself, but... it's hideous! All its eight eyes were staring, undressing me. "I'm being violated" I screamed, "The profanity!" I proclaimed. An overgrown monstrosity, freak like thing; I can't believe. How in the melting depths below, did it get so big? That unholy freak was sent from the devil itself to reprimand my righteousness for all things I do good. I threatened to squish, for I possess no more spray. And like I was the hideous monster, it did scurry outside screaming an awful screech.

Dancing Tulips Cut The Weave.

Day 130: Finger Pawn

2006-02-27T11:47:00.000+08:00

Do you remember it? I said it would be so G-rated, you would singe your eyeballs. Of course I was in on it and it had to be relieved. Lisa and I had tingles in our fingers and urges we could not deny! Do not speak to me in that tongue; it's whipping a Lizard!

Right Click and "Save As" Or something similar;
But FireFox and IE just click and choose save.

Finger Porn #1 | Finger Porn #2 | Finger Porn #3

Begone You Devilled Sausage Spawn.

Day 129: That Malignant Mole

2006-02-26T21:28:00.000+08:00

She's at it again! "I want it new and different. I want it like this and do it this way, not that way."
How evil to manage my life when I said, "hello, please go away." Do you not think it rude? Hmmm? To go through the trash of another? I think it is and I may have to do something about that Anal Queen of the Garden Nymphs. She's just so bossy and nosey nose. She did, I tell no fibs or squiggled lines, she told me to wipe diagonal, not up and down!

Spit The Painting Leaf.

Day 128: I Heard It In My Ear.

2006-02-25T15:51:00.000+08:00

"I don't wanna see the pieces, I just wanna sit and glare at you. I don't wanna squark about it..."

Such an awesome song; do not deny!

Day 127: Freak Out

2006-02-24T13:52:00.000+08:00

There I sit with a wiggle.
Parrots molesting alien pickles.
Whisper it to me dear,
But see the lights are nowhere near.
Stop it I say, with a loud goodbye.
Yank it later, chains never lie.
Gloppy glop, I went to bed.
But there I never, wake up dead.

And The Fortune Sticks Its beak.

Day 126: I Found The Culprit

2006-02-23T12:54:00.000+08:00

I have had to exit my marvellously divine confines of the dark and gloomy broom cupboard as I have found out why it stank of such unrighteousness! Too long has it been that I have had the heaven sent displeasure of smelling it. The Grudge woman did cut the dirty cheese. That's right, in-my-quarters.

To Speak The Whisper Blake.

Day 125: No, I Refuse

2006-02-22T14:47:00.000+08:00

There is a malignant stench, housing the available air; here inside my very admirable living corners. Yes, I am in a grief stricken trauma about it; why the hell should I get over it? No way am I opening my mouth any time soon. I can't let it bypass my gapping nostrils; I wouldn't get the taste out for days!

To Crack An Egg In Instincts' Face.

Day 124: A Sting For A Win

2006-02-21T18:40:00.000+08:00

"Excuse me dear shadow, but I have a sting. It is happening in a private place and I must, for all the shiny golden cylinders, check it out, here in your view. But you are not the stop sign pole. I can not just flomp it out and trust you not to touch its velvety textures or its rough and tumbley mountains!" I gave them some evil stares. "If I do it, will you check for me...and be gentle?" But they did not reply. I said, with a hint of glee in my voice, a tear now forming in my right eye, "I will accept this and allow only you to see." So I slipped it out, right over the top. It was a fatty, the bone easily showing. My elbow was completely exposed. Oh it was so heavenly, but now it was being infiltrated and in decay by the torturous beast that raped my arm corner. A scorpion had felt it worthy to give me a kiss, I felt the tears emerging. I flicked that meecrob off my now tainted body before I died. And then I screamed! Don't worry, I am still alive, just barely an edge tipping ways off.

Total Upheaval Of The Unconscious Mine.

Day 123: It Could Happen To You.

2006-02-20T13:18:00.000+08:00

I awoke in such a funny sensation. It was moist and a kind of stroking. Not up and down, just up, up and up again. I could expect no less for leaving it in the open, pointing to the sky. But what could be doing it? I did not know, so I opened my eyes for a peek and there was my dog! It was so dirty; I am in shame! So sweetly encapsulated in its salty flavour, my dos was licking my toes. It tickled too, I must say, but what is that you were thinking? Speak up?? Treacherous denial of an unnamed, unearthly demon monk from the shrimp dimension. You are the stinky seesaw!

And To Think I Had Breakfast Yesterday.

SKIP THIS IF YOUR FRAGILE........................ Day 122: A Little R Rating

2006-02-19T15:25:00.000+08:00

Both Lisa and I did think it hilarious to believe that no such thing has existed, not that we really researched. But hell no; too darn slow again we are, just waltzing along. We should have jumped on that god wagon sooner, for a marvellous product we did think we had invented. Jesus, it seems, has been a little naughty, even before I came along. Yes, it's true. Well alright, cover your eyes children, it's a Jesus Dildo. You know, for all those lonely nights those lonely people can really feel Jesus's love. It turns out God, The Virgin Mary, Mother Terasa etc are in on the naughtiness at www.divine-interventions.com. They beat us to the snatch.

"Goodmorning Starshine, The Earth Says Hello."
- Willy Wonka 2005

Day 121: A Song For The Children

2006-02-18T11:53:00.000+08:00

Something the Children Opted for as an Alternative:

I'm a little tea pot

Now pull out my eyes
Here are my retina's
Now I can not cry.
When I get all screamed out
Then I'll die.
Oops they've killed him
Those darn gawd lovers.

Now Lets Make A PlaceMat!

Day 120: It Really Did Happen

2006-02-17T10:17:00.000+08:00

There was a broken fanbelt
And it spoke the truth to me,
"Do not lie in the topic,
Bejewel encrusted you will be.

I see you have sunken features
Like an empty, gapping hole.
Don't put things in there
It's not meant for any poles.

Suck a lemon you old prune,
Eat the grated cheese.
Don't fornicate in July,
One of you might sneeze.

Goodbye my friend,
My warnings you will feed.
Tulips bloom in Febuary
But don't forget the weeds."
- A Twig-Like Hermit :P

Bouncing the Broken Stain.

Day 119: Tulips Can Cheat

2006-02-16T17:21:00.000+08:00

STEP 1: Stick a piece of mouldy bread in the sun...ok
STEP 2: A pinch of troll blood...yep
STEP 3: Make a paper plane...sure, ok??
STEP 4: We made playdough!!....hmmm
STEP 5: Clean up....alrighty then.

PS: This is so awesome; it truely works like a pencil on the run! Well except step 4...I think I used gawdly MOLD not ungawdly mould. That must be it, it has to be....

Wheels Are Not Your Fortune.

Day 118: Drugs Are Too Bad!

2006-02-15T20:57:00.000+08:00

Do my eyes decieve me? Are they playing foolies with my convoluted brain? No?! Then why the hell does Lisa The Lizard Fairy have two arms and hellishly long legs? Might I say, they were near perfect, not nearly one inperfection to be googled. Were they not Barbie legs I did see horrify and blind my vision? How on the disgustingly hell spawned earth of doomy gloom did she find it? No, she mustn't have, she couldn't! My Barbie Goes To Hell And Then Dies Collector's Edition is ruined! Noooooooo! She will pay, she...will...pay.....

But The Skull Lives On.

Day 117: Where Did The Party Go?

2006-02-14T20:36:00.000+08:00

You and I are in the same soap. That's right my little weed. I know not of their whereabouts and really should not be caring. Maybe Ashley did eat them? Who are you fooling? It was not Verenetti at all, it was the corn. Do not flap your tongues with lies; the trolls simply left to conquer the world. And here I sit, so proud to be, that I was able to withstand the debacle like a dilemma gone naughty. I did battle it out so bravely, didn't I, hiding here in the cupboard. I'm sure Lisa made it, I'm sure.

One Year Of Loony Tune Flops.

Day 116: Screaming In The Rain

2006-02-13T11:32:00.000+08:00

I am screaming in horror, in complete and utter shock! How could it be that the world was so mean? I thought I was going to die to death, those filthy things; they did molest my outer shell. I should have foreseen such a trauma, for it did enter from the outside. But I was in denial, it's my bed base and it would/could never harm me. So this is how the unholy event from within imaginable horrors went down: I was there. I was picking my crusty sleep from my glaring eyes, praising myself for creating sleep of such gem-like quality. Yes I am proud. Then I saw it. Falling from the roof, riding the wicked air waves. Hand gliding the turbulence created by the sitting fan. Scouting out the lands that lye ahead. Before long, an army was descending upon me and my precious head! of course I screamed, what would any sane microbe do? I, however, had the decency to keep my gapping mouth closed the whole time. What if one got in there? Hideous baby spider were raining down, I had to run. Across the room I darted, but they were so fast. I wasn't going to make it. I panicked like a pickled gherkin. Squealing without the horror of opening up to them. I dived. Rolling I crashed through the door, right under them all. That was that. I was not in a mood to be reckoned with. Death to them all! And then I found it. A hairy biatch from another dimension, spawning hatchlings to torment our world. God she was ugly. She came out to greet my finger of doom and yet she didn't have the courtesy to shave her filthy legs! Rude, I say and so I came down upon her like her death babies had done to me. Raining down with spray, I tortured her malignant soul full of all things spidery evilness. DIE, DIE, DIE! And she did, eventually.

Wishy, Wishy You Sing To Me.

Day 115: I Burst Out And I Was Scary

2006-02-12T16:38:00.000+08:00

Yes, I found it! A hole in the roof, if you must know. There it was all that time, just starring down at me, all sneaky like. Snickering as it hid its filthy presence from me. So I went right up into that hole. Luckily my twig-like form was able to squeeze through with ease because I was interrupted. Halfway in and there I was and so was it. Can you believe the nerve? All grudge like, it groaned a frantic moan and crawled so unearthly right at me, like it was a privileged devil minion. I whacked her in the face with my then removed sock and I sternly spoke these words, "Skank! Entering my dark places is not acceptable." And as I flomped back down into the cupboard of treacherous doom I said under my breath, "How dare she drag her carcass near my skin!"

Lurp, Lurp Went The Owl.

Day 114: Can I Dare Venture Out?

2006-02-11T13:11:00.000+08:00

I have yet to risk it, the journey outside. My life could be in danger of serious infection. Oh but I must know if I am loved. I will do it. I will venture out and check the damned mail...but those filthy gawd books, would they still be there to greet me at my front door step? Ooo, what's that?

Wrap The Chain With A Straw.

2006-02-11T03:56:00.000+08:00

Check out my updated Links. StickGirl is someone new... If only I could create such awesome drawings :(

Day 113: Holy Jesus, Mary And Joseph On A Stick

2006-02-10T15:40:00.000+08:00

I found it! Oh my precious, my precious little gemmy. It did roll here, sometime last spring. It was so long ago, but still I smell it's sweet aroma. It's yummy, so effervescent scent was lost to me. But now, my last Malteeser, found safe and still quite round. As perfect as that day I last saw it. And here, in my cupboard it sat, awaiting my arrival, it's very own rescue. I must savour the moment...gulp - oops.... CaHaCoufloo *spit* Ok that was a mothball. My poor malteeser still lost and so fragile in this horrible demon infested world of devil spawned minions that rose from their heavenly graves to throw malevolent parties in which Malteesers are a delicious delicacy, Noooooooooo! Actually that mothball wasn't too bad, mmmmm yum.

Squeeze If You Dare.

Day 112: I was Blank, For A Moment I Promise

2006-02-09T14:52:00.000+08:00

How could I have forgotten to memorise your everlasting need to be informed? Or should I be asking, how could you not know, not realise? In the meantime, it has been a few days now, but yes, I did enter the broom cupboard. Yes, the horror, the dazzling aroma, it haunts me. But could you have known the beginning that happened? It was like a cold and freezing, but beautiful winters day all rainy and dark gloominess. For some unforseen reason, I hesitated not and simply strolled right in there. What is wrong with me? I did not even think to ask my retched brain; which failed to inform me of the filthy situation about to occur. One second I was walking and the next I was in a screaming torture chamber of some unknown cupboard demon dimension that spawns a never ending supply of cobwebs! I screamed so much, both Ashley and Lisa were in disgust. I screamed, pushing through the webs to feel the back of the cupboard. I continued walking in like my legs we no longer mine to control. Then I saw it. I stopped screaming for a nanosecond. I looked at my right hand and screamed. I looked over at my left hand and screamed. Then I turned my head from side to side so swiftly, screaming each time I saw my newly web encrusted hands. "It's on me, get it off. GET IT OFF!" I screamed. And that, dear RatMinoins, is when Lisa slammed the door.

Batteries Won't Pronounciate.

Day 111: My Nose Is Not For Rent

2006-02-08T17:09:00.000+08:00

There I sat, in my cupboard, my new home inside home. And yet still, the cobwebs are forming? Oh surely you would know the truthfulness like a bar of ungodly soap? Yes, I am inhabited; well, at least, I was. How rude it felt, to awaken in this confined cold, dark and moist cocoon of mine. My finger had the right urge to relieve that irritant tickle deep inside, but some demon, birthed from the innards of an unsaintly sac, was blocking the hole! It was a SPIDER! I squealed; I hit possessed mops bent on licking foreheads; I screamed and I hit every wall, germ infested crevice and booms of all the in-betweens. But finally, after much an anxiety attack or two, I was able to do it. I snorted that beastly monstrosity from within my inner recesses. I'm good, I'm fine, I braved it.

Lazy Freckle's Make Them Weary

Day 110: Why Is It Me?

2006-02-07T12:47:00.000+08:00

I can hear them out there in the hallway, the bathroom and yes, even in the pantry. Why have they returned? I am not so evil, nor am I so deserving of this torturous torment. Those hell spawned minions are at it again. I don't know why they returned so soon, or what they want, but it must infuriate the peas. I will not let these filthy invaders of the under gallows interrupt my oh-so-busy life, which it is. It is the trolls.Yes; they have broken free of the crack-hole in the middle of my hideous kitchen floor. I knew the peanut butter would fail me....But the dirtiest, most filthy, fowl and satanic thing from Mars? They now wear nose tingling bacon rashers for armour, while still wielding their sharp as hell, hardened cheese off cuts.

Yellow Donkey’s With Dark Eyes.

It Is So Important There Are No Words

2006-02-07T05:14:00.000+08:00

A strange and wonderous thing it is that me and Lisa are creating. Together we make an unstoppable team of 2 freaks in it for the degrading laughter. Do not shy away your ears or your toes, no, for we will be making something so dirty, so hilarious, you just might die to death. But be forewarned, it is gonna be G rated, so you might need some parental guidence or risk singeing your eyes.

UnTiL NeXT
(hehe, thankx sCOoT)

Day 109: Let The Freckle's Decide

2006-02-06T14:12:00.000+08:00

The seal is breaking. I'll have to patch it before all torturous hell breaks loose, all over the darn kitchen floor again. It took me hours to clean up that filth last time. I think some Peanut Butter might just do the trick. There, all better now.

Fornicate You Lousy Buttons.

Day 108: Dang, I Left The MouseTrap Open

2006-02-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

"Who could have thought it?" I say.
Then I said, "It was not me, I can tell you that!"
"It must be The Shadow In The Corner..." They said to me.
"Oh, that's right, place the blame." standing there all ghetto like.
All, infused, I sternly spoke these words, "No, NO! I was speaking, do not interupt please?!"
"Um, excuse me, but can you keep it down, I'm trying to imagine the room waiding" I did say it with my mouth. ashley looked on from the corner all insulted by my remark, like some back water drama from hell. Damn it, I can't live like this anymore, can you? Me, Myself And I are just too much to be occupying such a tiny place like this. There is no room to move and then they keep following me anyways. Where it the butter? I'm gonna dig them out!

Oh I See The Curdled Eyes.

Day 107: Whatever Already

2006-02-04T17:14:00.000+08:00

A horribly chiming sound sprung to demented life and pierced my ear like a fish in water, but what was it to be? I could not know and I did thin it would just leave me alone, but no. The filthified box in the sky upon Virgil's curved arc sounded out another mouldy melody of doom. In the trauma I was confused and so dizzy running in circled squares, I made a dash for the door. And as I opened that unholy door, I was greeted by the most unsaintly people I have never had the privileged to meet. They too did not believe I was old and wrinkled enough to wave tongues in speech and then had the NERVE to place upon my fingertips, filthy god books, in=my-hand! GAWD BOOKS! Can you believe the uproar? I squealed. I screeched I flung those pages at the freaks and wiggled my fingers in disgrace. Off they ran, but there on top the door mat, laying so peacefully, Welcome hidden beneath their demonic textures; the god books lay on the door mat, blocking my path. How to get to the letter box now, hmmm?

Evil Rests Atop The Ledge.

Day 106: Why Was It Not There?

2006-02-03T01:58:00.000+08:00

I've just realised, I have no security flyscreen on my front door. In fact, there is not flyscreen door at all! How could I have felt safe all this time? And even more so, How could I have thought it was the drain that let those midgets in to train their ferrets?

Back-Slap That Rock; It Was Born A Cake.

Day 105: Just Breathe

2006-02-02T15:12:00.000+08:00

Since when do people just waltz up and poke around in your own EarWax? I was all telling myself that, "Yes I do look fine enough to venture out to the letterbox already," but then I was like, "NO! That strand is out of place, I can't bare it!" Eventually, I did muster up the dreadful courage to step outside. And so, I strolled out to the letterbox and RUUUUDE, nothing was there. I turned around like a snoot and do you know what happened? I turned around to run back inside when there, down the side of my angelic house was a filthy germ infested human demon. It was horrible, I say, it was poking its hideously long nose into a hidey-hole I knew nothing of. I felt it necessary and so I did it with silenced hesitation. "It's not right to stare in to my gapping hole” and I did give them the one-eyed evils. I immediately sprung in to a full-fledged sprint for the front door, holding back my screams of terror and frightfulness.

I'm Floating, Here, There And All Around.

Day 104: How It All Began

2006-02-01T13:02:00.000+08:00

You can see my very first, original story about Rat Girl here, so click on her already. Download it and enjoy. I did make alterations to it to make the final version, so that it slips of the tongue just that little bit easier, but this is the beginnings of my insanity rampage. So LOVE it now!

Ok crappy mooland won't work so you'll just have to get over it.

Day 103: Get Away From My Skin

2006-01-31T13:10:00.000+08:00

The evil red man of soapy soap cleanliness is harassing me again. Why does he want my skin? Always he's there so close, so near to my skin. Well you can't have it. I don't care if it's fricken perfect or not, it's mine, mine, allllll MINE! And to say the least, why is it that you think my skin is perfect? Is it because I've had so few pimples in my life? Is it because I have faded freckles on my snowman complexion? Or is it the filthy blackheads that cover my nose like landmines? Too often is it I get the jealous looks, it isn't that damn great so leave me my skin and get over it please. Thank you, have a nice day :)

A Turning Pipe Will Win.

Day 102: How To Crawl At Will

2006-01-30T11:03:00.000+08:00

Still I have heard not from that Stumpy Caterpillar. Malissa has forgotten me or is she ignoring? I should doubt that, for what reason could she have to do such a devilishly terrible thing? I hope she is still alive at all, she may be in the otherworld or the in-betweens trying to reach me but unable to turn my filthy head. Oh yeah and I dragged my carcass on the floor, The Grudge style, complete with that awesome groan thing she does. I freaked Lisa, to peeing places. It was all dark too, with only a small, weak light source to enhance the effect... The only thing? Yea, her carpet is the Royalty of Friction. My arms are dead trying too drag my twig-like body across the floor from hell. I need a slipping agent of a sorts, like a roller thing to stay beneath me while I do it. My arms are distraught with agony. How dare you make me write all this stuff while I've been crippled! Never the mind to worry. I will be just as good as new as soon as I can re attach me arr
Ok my left arm just fell off.

The Trees Are Dreaming.

Day 101: Over The Hill

2006-01-29T13:52:00.000+08:00

It must be a down hill ride from here. One Hundred Days of awesome fun times that made you giggle with delight. More than 111 posts to fun you up with sqwarksome tingles. It has been such a long but very entertaining ride. Can my life continue to shock, horrify and torment you? Only tomorrow can tell. But for now I must tell you about the hair that lives planted in my mole. There on my face it sits almost in complete silence, but every so often the little trollup gives a wiggle and a jiggle and then comletely bends over backwards and tickled my face. How dare it be so rude! I get the tweezers out and grip it's head and pull and tug and pull on it's head until it's let go and I'm free of it's retched existence once again. But not so long after, the little devil is sprouting up out of my face again. The torment is never safely thrown away; it always comes back to greet me.

Eating The Core Breaks A Seam.

Day 100: One Century Past!

2006-01-28T15:00:00.000+08:00

I'm going to tell you about Cellulite Girl. You don't need to know about two bum girl, she's not worthy of a story. I'll just say, quickly, she had two bums, one on top of the other and yet oddly strange it was that she did not seem to have tremendous weight anywhere else on her body. Back to reality and we are going to be horrified. I was sitting here and Lisa there, next to me. Her filthy boyfriend was next to her; he was disgusting beyond grossest things. Anyway, Cellulite Girl was all prancing around like she was something worthy of googling yes. Only it was Lisa and I who were looking and we certainly we not in the googling. Hideous no. She stomped over to the teacher and was standing there in front of my desk. Maybe she was advertising with her bum wiggling in the air. Lisa and I were in a state of disapproval she was in our way, but.... Lisa was, is, in to close inspection of the microscopic kind and zoomed her eyes in on to Cellulite Girls thigh. I had no idea, but Lisa was in a giggle festive fit rolling around in her chair and she whispered'n'giggled and gasped for breath as she spoke these words "Look...at...her...thigh! IT"S GOT RIPPLES!" And there I saw it. Cellulite Girl was wearing ultra tight, white stride-like trousers and we, the special two, could see the cellulite bursting the seems!

The BoggleyEyed Genie Is Getting Nearer.

Day 99: Nearing The Top

2006-01-27T12:32:00.000+08:00

Oh god, that hideous RatGirl thinks she's the damdest hot stuff of the underworld, that she feels it right to shake her mangy booty, if you can call it that, all down the street. How she collected the courage to show herself in public I can't understand. And how too did she muster the intellect to follow the wannabe rappers?

"I'm Hip,

I'm Cool,

I'm With-it!"

RatGirl prancing down the street in her trashbag hoe getup. Bling-blink dangling from her anorexic neck. We pray it weighs so much it stresses the bones and at least fractures and splinters. But mostly, just mostly we wish she would die and go back to hell again so we can have peace for another day or two, maybe. Plus the horrid adding of Cellulite Girl, almost like Two-Bum Girl, without the extra bums but extra thighs instead. I will expel the horror and fear upon you as I calm-it-down long enough to reminisce.

Two In Line For Back-Burning Lime.

Day 98: Australia Day

2006-01-26T11:29:00.000+08:00

First and foremost I must say, Happy Birthday to Stumps! She is the eldest at now 21yrs and I am still 20yrs :P Secondly, Happy Australia Day... It has some meaning like when we were discovered or something, but mostly it's about fireworks and booze for most people lol. Now to the seriously interesting stuff.

I was tossing and turning all last night. It was not a decent slumber as I awoke in frightful fear, at almost every 20 minute interval. Again and again I saw that image, I saw it trying to enter and I could not sleep and let it happen. I'm almost positively unsure I did not see Verenetti the Toe Snipping Earwig at all last night. But I can not be too certain. One time, it happened many a times but this is one of them, I was in a turning phase when I looked down at my pillow to check it was a cleared coast. But hell no, there she was arms dangling in the air, getting all thin like to just slip right in, right into my ear hole. Can you decipher the nervous tissue? Whether it was dream or not, Verenetti never got to enter my hole and it will never be because it's just plain filthy and I can't hear right with her ginormous pincer-ed ass clogging the canal.

Dropping Pigeons Do The Math.

Day 97: I'm Not Alone

2006-01-25T12:00:00.000+08:00

How likely is it to be, that you awaken in the morning before noon and some THING has vacated a nook, crevice or even a hole in your body? I too thought it was of the most unlikely's, but to my astonishing amazement, it has occurred. I woke up to some rude creature making a terrible banging racket that made my ear hurt. I was alright and to say the least, I got up and went to the loo. Anyway, I strolled into the bathroom, and felt a wiggle. But I'd already been to the toilet, How could I have another so soon? Well as it turned out, I looked in the mirror. My hair was all scraggly and misbegotten all over the place. My eyeballs were puffy and that damned nose was running, for some ignorance, and I saw it there wiggling its way deeper. Verenetti the Toe Snipping Earwig had her tail snip snapping out of my left ear. What was she doing, in...my...EAR?!!! I let out a pretend cry of yelling anger, but I couldn't alert her to my presence. No, I just waited a few seconds of millennia, snatched her tail and ripped her free of my hearing space. Oh she tried to tell me it was an accident, she tried to say I, of all people, rolled over on to her and she was engulfed by my ear.... I stood there for none of that. I was walking to the loo to dunk her in but she snipped my fingers and ran across the floor under the toilet screaming "Curry, oh my god damned curry!!! Help me, Help meeeee I need to munch your CURRYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"

A Slashing Doll Keeps The Lie.

Day 96: Boredom Strikes A Pose

2006-01-24T18:03:00.000+08:00

A Skankaliciously, malignant mole has cropped itself up out of the blue in the very undesirable place that resides next door in the building and so therefore a trashiness has become of the street and I don't know if I can bear it's hideously tormented breath that belches from within it's disgustingly dirty oesophagus of sticky goo and glop from which sprouts unknown micropilates who consistently bend and fold into nothingness so that they may become thinner and pass between the rays of light so that no one can view them or ever even notice their presence in which you will be privy too at some time in you retched life whether your old or new or even a little see through which is nothing to be ashamed of but you must admit that you are not completely towards the norm or the abnormal anomalies that strike fear into the hearts of fly’s and mosquito’s as they suck the blood and therefore life from your wrinkled sunburnt body that you couldn't or wouldn't care to look after and be a snowman like me.

Below A Sign Of Gulping Times.

Day 95: It Stinks!

2006-01-23T11:01:00.000+08:00

It was even more terrible than the norm. Usually they don't speak; I'm sure most don't have them. This one had it hanging out oozing and spraying all over. It was filth I say. To make matters undeniably worsened, it had the despicable nerve to flomp its way over to Lisa and her younger sister Katie. But that’s not all, the story continues.... As soon as it arrived in their proximity, there was speech, mostly unrecognisable. The thing was the SausageMan down at Coles the supermarketing store. How hideously deformed he must have been, but to exist without that knowledge. And it spoke these words to Lisa and the sister looked on; horrified. "I want a girlfriend," Lisa looked sideways at its horrible form. "Can you be my girlfriend?" the SausageMan said. Lisa, so traumatised by it's proximity to her and was shocked into squealing "NoOoOoOooo!" but the SausageMan did not listen. He continued with, "Will you marry me? I love you 'cos you’re pretty." That was it, and Lisa was in an upheave, struggling to pick up the shopping basket she dropped in the dramatic sequences. There Lisa was flailing her arms in the air, screeching for help as she ran from the trauma.... Katie trailing behind as too was the SausageMan. But do not fear. Lisa survived, oh yes we are all so happy, for she sacrificed her little sister to it and it will leave you all alone for ever, the evil sister, not the SausageMan.

Goodnight Boys And Girls, But Hidden Deep Is That Poor Katie In The Meat.

Day 94: Evolution of the Underworld

2006-01-22T11:52:00.000+08:00

We were there in queue when from a bad bat escaping hell; she reached down there for it! I was in total upheaval. How could she go there, of all places, in public? To make it worse, you'd think it couldn't, she squealed "Get it out, now!" There she was, groping my leg screaming for me to get it out. Her horny fingers etching to have it felt and molested by them. But I said no. I mean, it is my mobile after all, I should be the one to extract it from my very own pocket, do you think not? I also thought that.

Pigeons Ringing, Hold The Line.

Day 93: Skanky Moles Eat The Peas

2006-01-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

I never see the PostMan anymore. Well, it's not like I wanted to see him anyways...What The Hell Are YOU Implying?? How could I ever wish to make friends with a...filthty...yellow, death bird? His image haunts me; my eye sometimes goes blurry and there it is. The yellow figure all bird-like and...and feathery, yeauck. Dirty fith channels to swim, in your brain.

Trauma Is The Phone Of Silence.

Day 92: You Can hAve It!

2006-01-20T11:57:00.000+08:00

Roger the singing corset. It flopped out right into my walkway and burst into screeching song. I was trying to sleep, but less importantly, why should I be forced to open my eyelid seals and deal with it? Exactly; that’s why I threw it at the lady across the road... How dare she give me evil stairs and then deny it!

Suck The Road In Disgrace.

Day 91: And There I Was

2006-01-19T05:05:00.000+08:00

Holy Jesus Christ!

It Flopped Out Of The Crack, I Mean, What The Hell??

A Mess To Clean, Oh YAY, I'm So Happy.

The Plane Sits As It Dares.

Day 90: I Laugh At The Clowns

2006-01-18T16:40:00.000+08:00

Since when have clowns ever been nice and kind and fluffy creatures of joy n stuff? Well you'd be right in saying never. Because you know, I don't like that word, but clowns are just plain and darn simply evil devil spawns, sprouted from the pus that oozes from an angelic warrior fighting the hordes of unsaintly minions who serve none other than the almighty one or is that the brain.... Well they try to escape their rat cage every night and take over the world, so it could be them indeed. I have a picture to show you that shows you the revelations the world is reluctantly becoming increasingly open to. I mean seriously, come on. Like who hasn't had nightmares of Ronald and that darn purple thing. What is it?? What the hell is that damn purple poop thing and that stupid girl too. Who in their unsanitary minds could fathom such atrocious beings of distorted appearances? Ronald is just too suspicious and I think there is something with that ham-burgular. Who could possibly want ham, so why would you burgle? Ronald McDonald is a bad horror flick gone wrong; down a track of fits of laughter and shame instead of frightful screams and pain.

Dangle Like A Polar Bear, Talk To The Tree.

Day 89: Stick In The Middle

2006-01-17T12:34:00.000+08:00

Rebecca is having a hissie fit because apparently The Shadow In The Corner irritates and has formed a rash. Her fingers wobble and tickle Rebecca's inner lining. Of course Ash a.k.a The Shadow In The Corner, tried to apologise, but her knobbly bits just delve right in there! Although, Virgil has no complaints and Ash casts evil stares in his direction, for taking advantage of the situation as he switches in and giggles with pleasure as Ash casts around.. Rebecca feels violated by Ash and Ash feels violated by Virgil. Virgil and Rebecca get along ok I guess. And I too, had no idea, but my house has developed intellectual capabilities, complete with it's own personality. Of course that would be fine and dandy; completely towards the norm, but no, my house has to go outside the circle and develop 2 personalities and then has the filthy nerve to complain like a hideous maggot, wriggling out of the dead carcass of some devil rat's eye. And now it's formed a crack, right down the middle. What the hell is happening there, I don't know, but it sure looks dirty to me!

Squeeze The Plate With A Thong.

Day 88: She's Flown The Coup

2006-01-16T19:17:00.000+08:00

"And I went to Coles and I was like; No!" Lisa was describing her recent trauma. "It was wearing a filthy, denim miniskirt and it was a kanker! Can you believe that? Just WAIT, it gets worse." Lisa was settling into her chair more comfy like. "It was wearing a tube-top and it was a fat granny! Hello, I mean, Teenie Hoe-Bag wannabe. Seriously, I was like, that’s it, I'm hooning around it because if it bends over...I just can't deal with it. HIIIIDEEEIOUS!"

And so Lisa Hooned around that skanky grandma with all her rolling wrinkles flapping in the frosty air of the freezer section. Terribly scarred at the thought of thinking what could happen if she were to stay in the rear position.
"I saw a glimpse of it and I will never do it again!" (Said in a Russian accent).

Brush Your Teeth You Silly Gate.

Day 87: A Prickled Day

2006-01-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

"It's still raping me!" Lisa let out with a cry. "The Savage; It made a hole." And turning towards my direction, she continued with, "It's still in there!!! Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" And a screaming squeal she did reveal. "A Three horn prickle had the nerve to plunge itself and penetrate my foot, right there," she pointed to the ground, "in the vicinity of my own lounge room... How did it dare enter my fortress???" Lisa was in dismay.

And so Lisa squealed, flinging her foot around in disgrace. She never did find that naughty prickle, but she smirked with slight satisfaction, "I snapped it off though; lets see that prickle rape me again!" Not realising it has two horns still to prick her foot with.

Lashing Cushions Like To Bleed.

Day 86: Broom, Broom Went The Okle

2006-01-14T02:26:00.000+08:00

I bought a car today...well my parents bought it for me. Hey, don't call me a brat! I am not in the money rolling business and the amount we have can't be swum in. I like it. It is blue, yes not purple so shut you nostrils please. Your tendrils are spiking, why? Gosh, you'd think I was given the world the way your acting. Anyways, it was an el-cheapo (though my sis would opposingly disagree) without aircon, but it has power steering and a cd player so there. In the midst of it all lies a mysterious button. I will have to snap a captured image of it and shove it over the net to you so you too can ponder its mysterious frost like mystery. It has a fog light button too, but I could see no fog lights. Strange as it may seem, I think I can deal with it....hmmmm, yes. Alright, off to bed then. I have to drive now. Yes I know the lameness of it all. No more chauffeur to cart my carcass around. Rather silly isn't it getting a contraption such as this? Now I think of it.

Good Night And Don't Let The Leaches Stick To Your Thigh.

Day 85: Just A Thought

2006-01-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

Why is it, that something so almighty and superior, has been lowered to our level with a reference to "God" as a Him or Her. Now if God were to exist, why would God be considered so low as to be bound by such "mortal" temptations that were only given as a temptation for evil. If you give this God a sex, then that is what you are doing. You are giving your God room for flaws and vulnerabilities - such as this thought, if you may. I can see that you are in dismay (erhmmm, Lisa) but should not one so fantastically prefect, be above such things as being male or female and simply be God. Should God not be referred to as God and Only God in all references. It seems to me, that people have lowered their own supreme being into a super-man and if so, why should we not tinker and dabble in science if the Vatican feels itself so mighty as to consistently re-write the bible to keep up with the times. Wouldn't God have known the true words to speak through Jesus so that they would stand the test of time and be completely relevant to this day??? I do believe I have stumbled onto a thought and I will leave you to ponder it, or run away and scream so ignorantly because I can't believe it's teachings. Popetown may have been onto something there.